Falling Away With You
by EvidenceOfMe
Summary: Ever heard the phrase 'one moment can change everything' well Grissom and Sara are about to find out just how true that statement is...
1. Chapter 1

_Hey everyone! So here is my new story. I got the idea from the song Congratulations by Blue October and Falling Away With You by Muse. I don't want to give to much away but truthfully the summary kind of says it all, without telling you the whole story lol This will be a GSR story, but it will go SNICKER'sfor just a little while. Grissom is a little out of character so. It is my first romance/angst, so please bear with me. I'll try and UD every week, but that can aways change. _

_Thank you to by wonderful beta and best friend - PyschWardSiren. If you like Twilight too, you should def. check out her stories!_

_Disclaimer - I don't own CSI or any of the songs/bands I use...But I really wish that I did_

_That's pretty much it I think. If you have any questions let me know! Don't forget to review!_

They'd been "officially" dating for almost a year now, and although they'd tried their best not to show it at work, they couldn't help when the occasional "honey" or "dear" would escape their lips.

No one on the team said anything about it, but of course they all knew. They'd noticed the change in both Grissom and Sara; the hushed conversations, the shared smiles, the gleam in their eyes when they looked to one another...Everything was going great, life was good, they where both happy. Well, up until _that night_...

Grissom and Catherine were working on a basic open and shut case. A man, Zack Haler, had been hit by a drunk driver and was killed. The scene was gruesome, to say the least. The driver walked away without a scratch on him, as was the case many times. They had been processing the scene for eight long hours and it was finally time to head back to the lab to finish processing the evidence and close the case.

"Have you notified the family yet?" Grissom asked Brass as he walked him and Catherine back to their cars.

"The only relative I could find was a sister, Amy Haler. I'm on my way to her house now. Figure it's late, or early enough to go over, whichever way you wanna look at." Brass answered as he glanced at his watch.

"I'll go with you." Grissom said, putting his kit in the back of the SUV.

"It's okay, Gil. No need for you to go with me. Go back to the lab, do whatever it is you do there and then get some sleep. You look like crap, by the way." Brass , smiling a little.

Grissom gave Brass a glare but had to admit that he really did need to get some sleep. "It's fine Jim. No need for you to suffer alone. I'll meet you back at the lab, okay Cath?" Grissom hated notifying the family with a passion, but he also didn't think it was right for Jim to have to do it alone.

"Sure. I'll grab Greg to help me process the rest of the evidence. See you later." Catherine said, getting into her SUV.

Brass and Grissom arrived at Amy Haler's house about twenty minutes later. It was 5:30 in the morning and this was one wake up call no one ever wanted to wake up too. After knocking a second time, they finally heard a click and the door opened to reveal a woman in her late thirties with deep blue eyes and long brown hair.

Brass loved his job...most of the time. This, however, was one of those times that he didn't like it. It was the one thing that he had to do almost every night he was on the job. It was the worst possible thing to have to go and tell someone that a person they loved had died. That they would never see them again. They would never hear their voice, feel their touch, or see their smile ever again.

Grissom could see the resemblance in Amy and her brother, but her brothers body was now bloody and broken and most likely lying on a cold slab in the morgue right now.

"Are you Amy Haler?" Brass asked, his voice soft and sympathetic, but it still held an edge of authority.

"Yes. What's going on?" Her eyes held worry and fear but her voice sounded strong and sure.

Grissom couldn't bear the thought of the news they where about to tell her. He knew it would surely crush her. It would cause her pain that no one should ever have to endure.

"Miss Haler. I'm very sorry to have to inform you that your brother was killed in a car accident late last night...I'm very sorry for your loss." Brass spoke the words he had been taught to say. Although they never seemed to do much good.

The color drained from her face. She looked Grissom right in the eye. "Zack?" His name came out just above a whisper.

Grissom clenched his jaw and nodded.

"Oh my God." She said quietly as silent tears began to run down her face as the news registered in her mind. Her knees gave way to her trembling body. Grissom put his arms around her to keep her from falling.

"It's okay." Grissom said, holding onto her tightly.

"Thank you." Amy whispered, still holding onto Grissom.

Amy started to get hold of her emotions again after a few minutes. Their eyes locked for a moment. Suddenly Grissom pulled away, realizing that he still had his arms wrapped around her. He cleared his throat quickly. "Is-is their anyone we can contact for you?"

Amy looked at Brass but brought her eyes back to Grissom. Amy thought it wrong, how she had just found out that her brother was dead, and yet here she was, unable to keep her eyes off the man who had come to tell her the news. Something about his look, his touch, that grasped her full attention. "No...No. Zack was the only family I had left. Our parents died when we were little. I-I hadn't seen him in years. About three months ago he just showed up out of nowhere. Said that he wanted to get to know me again, that he missed me." Her voice trailed off, leaving the three of them in a slightly uncomfortable silence.

Brass looked at Grissom and noticed that his eyes held something that he couldn't seem to place. Something that his eyes only held when he looked at Sara. Brass turned his attention back to Amy, "If their is anything you need, please don't hesitate to call." He said as he handed her his card.

"Thank you." She said, still looking at Grissom.

Brass turned to leave, purposefully brushing Grissom's arm to pull him out of whatever world he was lost in at the moment. Grissom shook his head and gave a small and yet sad smile to Amy before turning to leave. Once the two were back in the car and on their way to the lab Brass turned to Grissom. "You alright?"

"What?"

Brass looked at him again. He had the same look on his face he always does when something is bothering him that he can't quite seem to figure out.. "Are you alright?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine." He answered, glancing over at Brass. But judging by the look on Brass' face, he didn't believe him.

The ironic thing was, Grissom didn't believe himself either.

Grissom sat in his office, staring at the report in his hands. His eyes were moving over the words, but he wasn't reading them. What _was_ it about her? He couldn't stop thinking about Amy...And it was beginning to get to him. Something about the look in her eyes when he had held her. Something that had just...clicked. He had this deep underlying urge to see her again. To hear her voice, feel her touch.

He shook his head, trying to rid those thoughts from his mind. He was dating Sara. He loved Sara. Someday he wanted to marry her.

Then why? _Why_ could he not keep his thoughts from wondering back to Amy? He'd tried to focus on the case, but his thoughts kept drifting back to her. The way her hair fell around her shoulders. How her eyes held such crisp and powerful emotion. How her hands where so small and delicate. How she smelled of wild lavender and-

_'What am I doing? What in the_ hell _am I doing?'_Grissom thought as his breathe caught at his thought.. His heart was beating twice as fast. Not because of what he was thinking, but because it was _him_ that was thinking it. Because he was the guy that always played it safe in relationships. Never moved to fast. Never made choices he wasn't sure about. He'd never been the kind of guy to cheat, not that this was cheating, but it just felt wrong to him, and yet he couldn't stop.. To even think of another woman in that way. But here he was, thinking of Amy Haler...And that was scaring him.

There was a soft knock on the door but he didn't hear it. He was to wrapped up in his own thinking to even notice when Sara had opened the door. He didn't even realize that he wasn't alone until her voice penetrated his deep thoughts.

"Are you okay Gil? You look a little pale." She said, giving him a half smile. The one that he loved with such a great passion.

Grissom tried to smile back at her, but the action seemed awkward and out of place for some reason. He was sure that his sad attempt at a smile looked horribly wrong. "Oh..Just lost in thought. Sorry."

Sara tilted her head and looked at him quizzically, but decided to just let it go. "Alright. Well I just ran into Cath and she said you had an open and shut case, so I was wondering if you wanted to go grab some lunch with me, her, Nick and Warrick?"

Grissom thought for a moment before replying, "Um...No. No, that's okay. I uh I need to get some paper work finished up here...You know, before Ecklie starts to give me his _'for the good of the lab'_speech again." Grissom felt a rush of guilt flow throughout his body upon seeing the hurt look on Sara's face. He couldn't believe he had just lied to right to her face.

"Yeah....Yeah, that's okay. I know if I were you I wouldn't want to hear Ecklie's speech, again." Sara smiled at him again, but Grissom noticed it wasn't the same one that she had given him only moments before. "I'll see you at home then?" She said, heading for the door.

Grissom only nodded, he wasn't going to try to smile again. Afraid that it would cause too many questions from Sara that he really didn't want to answer. Not that he even had the answers anyway. He heard the door close behind her. He took off his glasses and rubbed his forehead and sat there for a few moments. Trying to get a grip on what he had just done and what he was doing.

Grissom knew that he wasn't thinking in his right mind when the idea came to him. He knew he should think about this logically. That he was making a huge mistake. And he also knew that it was wrong. Very wrong. But some part of him, the part that was of course winning, wanted to do it. For once in his life, he wanted to ignore his conscience and just act on pure, raw, emotion.

Before he could give himself another moment to think, he grabbed his keys and jacket and headed for the door. His heart told him to follow Sara. To go have a nice lunch with his team. But he didn't.

Grissom got in his car and drove to the house. He was surprised at how easily he found it, since he had only been there once before. He sat in his car, staring at his reflection in the rear view mirror. It felt so wrong. He loved Sara. He really and truly did. But this...was something new. Exciting. Exhilaration. It was like nothing he had ever done before. And he had to do it. Something deep inside him was telling him to _just do it_.

So without another glance in the mirror, he got out and walked up to the door. He knocked once and then Amy opened the door. She smiled at him. She didn't ask what he was doing there. She didn't ask if everything was okay. She just opened the door farther to let him in. He smiled back at her and from that moment on, he never looked back.

_Please let me know what you think!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello! So first off that you all SO SO much for the reviews!! =) Whoo!! Haha Yeah the made me very happy as I'm sure you can kinda tell! lol Anyway, I know that Grissom is very OOC but I just know where I want the story to go and he kind of has to be in order to get there. So I'm sorry if it's a little much, even I don't like him acting this way! But it's just one of those stories that you can't get out of your head til it's on paper and yeah. So please, try and stick with the story, I'm a huge die hard GSR fan and there will be a happy ending._

_And if any of you know me, you know I love music. It's such a big part of my life and I don't know what I'd do without it. So each chapter will also have a song to go with it. Sometimes the song name will match, or a lyric, or just cause I like the melody and stuff of the song, and sometimes it will have nothing to do with the chapter! haha So since I can't put links on here, maybe (If you want) you can go on YouTube and listen while you read. _

_Another big thanks to my beta, PyschWardSiren, you are the best! :)_

_Now on with the chapter! Thanks again for reading!!!_

Chapter 2 - "A Little Out Of It" Slide by Dido

Sara sat at the diner, surrounded by three of her closest friends. Who were actually more like family to her. They were laughing and joking, having a good time. But for some reason, Sara just couldn't get the look on Grissoms face out of her head. And what bothered her even more, was that it was preventing her from having a nice night out.

Something inside of her felt wrong. Out of place.. But she couldn't put her finger on it. She couldn't solve the puzzle and bring herself that satisfaction.

Here she was, staring at the plate of perfectly good food in front of her. Yet she wasn't hungry. She just kept seeing Grissoms face over and over in her mind like a broken record.

Sara wasn't sure if she should be worried, mad, or if she was just over reacting to the whole thing. The over reacting part was most likely, if not definitely, true. But she could not shake the feeling that lay deep inside her core.

"Sara?...You alright? You look a little out of it." Catherine said, giving Sara a concerned, motherly look from across the booth.

Not lifting her eyes from her plate, Sara responded,"Yeah, um I think I'm just gonna head home. Sorry guys, I'm just off, or something tonight." She didn't even wait for them to argue or even say goodbye, she just grabbed her bag and headed for the exit like the building was on fire.

She was almost to her car when she heard someone calling her name. Sara sighed and turned around to face Nick, crossing the short distance to her car. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay. You got outa there like a bat out of hell. Something wrong?"

A rush of guilt immediately washed over her. Sara smiled at him apologetically. "Sorry. I just..." She closed her eyes, needing a moment to think. How could she explain something she didn't even have a clue about?

"I just have something on my mind and that I just can't stop thinking about. I'm really sorry though. I think I just need to go home and get some sleep or-or something. Could you tell everyone that I'm really sorry about ruining lunch. I'll uh make it up sometime okay?"

"Sara, if something is bothering you, you know you can talk to me. I'll listen. I may not have the best advice, if any, but..." Nick trailed off, not knowing what more there was to say.

"No. It's okay really. I just," Sara sighed. She hated doing this to Nick. He was her closest friend, but she wasn't even sure if what she was worrying about was something she even _should_ be worrying about.

Nick felt his heart break a little for Sara. He hated seeing her like this. Not knowing what was troubling her or how to help. But he also knew that when it came to Sara and her feelings, he had to keep his distance and not push her to far. "Alright. You'll call me if you need anything though, right?"

Sara smiled at him, but it didn't reach her eyes.. "Don't worry Nick. I'm fine, really. I'm probably just over reacting and I'll go home and the whole issue will be over with."

"But you _will_ call me?"

Sara laughed a little and rolled her eyes playfully at him. "Yes. If I need to talk, I will _definitely_ call you."

Nick smiled his big brother smile. "I'll see you later, Sar."

"'kay." Sara got into her car and watched Nick in her rear view mirror as he made his way back into the diner. Sara took her cell phone out of her bag and hit speed dial. The line kept ringing. He never picked up.

"Hey Gil...It's me. Um I uh just wanted to let you know I'm heading home now. I was just wondering if you were with your paper work stuff yet...Yeah, anyways. I'll uh, see you at home then? Give me a call when you get this.....I love you."

Sara hung up and sighed. She closed her eyes as she ran her fingers through her hair. Her head felt as if someone had taken a sledge hammer to it. "Oh God, this is so stupid." She said aloud, to the empty car. "This is so, so stupid."

She picked up her cell again and dialed the familiar number. "Hey Judy, it's Sara...Yeah, I was just wondering if Grissom was still in?....Oh. He left a half hour ago huh?....No. No, that's okay. I'll just catch him later then...Okay. Thanks, bye."

The clock on the dash said that it was 1:02. Sara figured that she had been at the diner no more then 45 minutes. That meant that Gil would have left the lab a little after she did. She kept telling herself that she was over reacting to this whole thing. That he probably just headed home and didn't feel like going out to lunch. That's what happened...Wasn't it?

But her heart was telling her something different. Something was wrong, she could tell. There was no reason for her to be feeling this way, and yet here she was, palms sweaty and heart beating almost twice as fast.

Something was going on with Gil, and she was determined to find out what it was.

"How are you holding up?" He asked, sitting across from her in the small living room.

"As well as can be expected I guess. I know that is sounds horrible, but I'm not completely devastated by Zack's death. I know that he was my brother and, don't get me wrong, I loved him...But after not hearing from him or seeing him in so many years and then just showing up out of the blue a few months ago, it's hard to truly miss someone that you barely knew yourself."

"That's not horrible. It's human nature. We grow attached to those around us. Family and friends that live far away, that we don't see much of, we still love them, just not with as much compassion as we do for the people who are close to us."

"I guess you're right." Amy said, her voice empty. "Then tell me why I feel so cold and empty and wrong? I feel like I'm this hateful, un-feeling person because I don't miss him more...He was my brother." She added the last part just above a whisper.

Grissom's eyes filled with concern and worry as silent tears began to fall down her face. He looked around the room, as if to make sure no one was watching, and then moved across the room to sit down next to her.

Slowly, he put his arm around her shaking frame. The gesture felt awkward and strange, but after a few moments they both relaxed into it. He enjoyed having someone to hold, and she openly welcomed the comfort.

As Sara drove home her mind raced. Coming up with the many different possible scenarios of what could have happened to Grissom. How he got stuck in traffic and forgot to turn his phone on. How he got talking to someone and just lost track of time. And yet with each minute that passed, Sara grew more and more discouraged. It wasn't like Gil to go off and do something without telling her.

Sara pulled into the driveway and Grissom's car was nowhere in sight. Turning off the engine she let her head fall against the steering wheel. 'God, I'm over re-acting.' She thought, shaking her head. She thought it was funny how she kept telling herself that and yet she still didn't believe it one little bit. She was acting like some high school, boy-crazy, girl who was freaking out because her boyfriend hadn't called her yet.

No. Sara wasn't that high school girl. Nope, she was the thirty-something year old CSI who was freaking out because her boyfriend hadn't returned her call in a timely fashion. Sara figured that was just as bad, if not worse.

Upon the realization that there could be a message from Grissom waiting for her on the machine inside, although it was very unlikely, she hurriedly got out of the car and went inside. Going straight into the kitchen her heart sank as saw there was nothing. "So stupid." She said under her breathe.

Sara set her keys and wallet on the counter and then went to the back door to let Hank inside. He greeted her happily, totally unaware to her inner turmoil. "What are we going to do with him, huh Hank?" Sara asked as she walked over to the couch, took her shoes off and turned the TV on. She patted the seat next to her and Hank happily jumped up and settled down, resting his head in her lap.

"We could make him sleep out in your dog house for a few days?...No, that wouldn't be fair to you. What am I thinking? Let's see, we could make him make dinner for a whole week and take you for a nice long walk every day? How does that sound?" Hank just looked at her and waged his tail. "Good. That's what we'll do....As soon as I know where he is." Sara added softly.

_Please review!! Thanks! :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_Wow! Haha I cannot believe how many reviews I have gotten for this story! I love it!! Lol :) Thank you ALL you reviewed!!! So here is another chapter. The next one is really good, if I do say so myself lol That'll be up next week. Thanks again to my wonderful friend and beta - PyschWardSiren, for all the great advise she gives me! :D Not much to say, just again, please review! They give me motavation to write and the more I write the more you read! So it's a win-win...Well if you review! Haha_

Chapter 3 - "I Guess I'll Be Going" What I've Done by Linkin Park

Sara woke up to the shrill sound of her cell phone. At first she tried to ignore it, but when it kept ringing she knew she was going to have to get up and answer it. Then suddenly the events of earlier that day came flooding back to her. "Grissom."

She practically tripped over Hank as she quickly made her way to the kitchen in search of her phone. "H-Hello?" She said, her voice still groggy from having just woken up.

'Sar you alright?'

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine Nick. What's up?" Sara said, trying hard to the disappointment in her voice.

'I was wondering if you where coming in tonight?'

"What?"

'Sara, shift started a half hour ago.'

"Are you serious?!" Sara asked in disbelief as she looked at the clock. Sure enough it was 11:37. "Shit. Okay, I'll be there in 15 minutes."

'Alright, I'll tell Cath.'

"Thanks Nick." Sara hung up the phone and hurriedly made her way to her bedroom to get changed. She got ready on auto pilot. Going through the motions without even realizing she was doing them, because she had just realized something.

Grissom had never come home.

Grissom lay in the bed. Her bed. Not his. Not Sara's. But another woman's.

Shift would have started 45 minutes ago, but he called in sick. He knew he would not be able to face them. Especially Sara. He knew he couldn't handle it. Grissom had been lying there, staring at the ceiling, for at least an hour now with Amy, sound asleep at his side. God, what had he done? Every time he closed his eyes he was met with Sara's soft and loving face. Her chocolate brown eyes that held so much compassion and yet so much darkness. That held secrets even he didn't know.

Maybe that was it. Maybe he needed to have someone close to him that held nothing back. That told him everything. Maybe that was the reason he did this. The reason he went against everything that he knew. The reason...he'd cheated. It suddenly hit him. His heart stopped. His breathe caught in his throat.

"I _cheated_."

"What?" Amy asked sleepily beside him. "Gil, what's going on?" She asked after getting no response.

"I-I have to go now."

"Why? What is going on Gil?" Amy said, now fully awake.

"Amy, I'm so sorry, but this...It's is wrong. I-I can't be here. I'm so sorry." Grissom said, trying to find his clothes.

"Gil! Would you just sit down and tell me what's going on!? Please?"

Grissom stopped what he was doing. He saw the hurt and broken look in her eyes. _'Oh God, what have I done?'_ He sat down in the chair beside the bed, trying to get his thoughts and emotions in order. They both sat in complete silence for a few minutes. It felt odd after the moment hysteria just minutes before.

"Before you say anything, let me talk. Okay?"

Grissom was a little shocked as Amy's hesitant voice broke the silence. He shook his head, willing her to continue.

"I know what you're going to say, so don't...This-this was a mistake. I think we both know that. We both just needed a shoulder to cry on. In this case it was....well, different. I-I just lost my brother and you-I mean, I don't know _anything_ about you. And that's just it, I have no idea who you are, where you grew up, what your favorite color is, if you have brothers or sisters. All you know about me is my name.

We where-are, just two lost souls searching for comfort in the wrong places. I think the best thing to do is for us to just go on with our lives the way they where. This was just one of those times where we where both in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or maybe it was the right place, I don't know. But, thank you." Amy laughed sarcastically, shaking her head. "Thanking you sounds so wrong, but I really do mean it."

Grissom sat there, staring at the floor. Processing the words she had just spoken. "I truly don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything. Just walk out the door and never look back. You won't hurt me by doing it. I won't lie awake at night wondering what I did wrong, Gil. This was comfort we both needed and now that it's over, it's over."

He raised his head to look her in the eye. She held his gaze, never showing any sign that she hadn't meant every word she said. "I guess I'll be going then..." Grissom gave her a half hearted smile and got up to leave. He stopped just as he reached the door and turned around to say something, but she stopped him.

Amy smiled at him. "You're welcome."

Sara entered the lab and made her way to the break room, trying, but failing miserably, to keep calm. She had spent the whole drive over to the lab, well, freaking out. Nick had said he'd tell Catherine, not Grissom, that she would be coming. Where was Grissom? Something had to be wrong if he didn't come in to work. With every second that passed she became more and more distressed.

Sara turned the corner and saw Catherine in the break room looking over a case file. "Where's Grissom?"

"Well 'hello' to you too Sara." Catherine said sarcastically.

"Sorry, but I really need to know where Grissom is. Please." Sara said, her voice on edge.

"He called in sick. Sara are you okay? You don't look too good." Cath said, instantly concerned.

Sara closed her eyes and shook her head. "Truthfully I'm not fine. I've been trying to get a hold of Grissom since early this afternoon and he hasn't returned any of my calls. He never came home. And now, he calls the lab to call in sick but he can't pick up the phone and tell me?"

"Sara, honey, just calm down. I'm sure he has a very good reason for all of this okay?" Catherine said, truly worried for her colleagues health. Sara's complexion had become suddenly pale and she looked like she'd barely gotten any sleep.

"Hey, you okay?" Nick asked as he walked in the room.

"Just...don't ask." Sara said, a little bit more harshly then she intended.

Catherine gave Nick a look that told him to keep his distance. "Sara why don't you just take the night off, okay? Just go back home and get some rest and don't worry. I'm sure Grissom will turn up and a good reason as to why he hasn't called you. I'm sure of it."

"Thank you for the offer, Cath, but I need to work. I can't just sit at home and let my mind come up with a hundred more explanations to go along with the thousand I already thought of okay? Just give me a case and let me work."

"Alright, if that's what you want you can work the case with Nick and-"

"Sara, I-I have to talk to you."

The room fell into a dead silence as Grissom stood at the door, looking just as bad as Sara, if not worse.

"Gil, where the hell have you been? You've had me worried sick, you know that?" Sara said.

"Please. Can we talk about this in my office."

"You better have a damn good reason for all of this, Gil. But I have to say, I'm glad you're alright. I was so scared that something had happened to you." She said, walking over to him.

Grissom didn't meet her eyes. He just stared at the floor. He wasn't looking forward to what was coming, but he knew he deserved every bit of it.

_Sooo.....Tell me what you think! _


	4. Chapter 4

_Hey, thanks so much for the reviews! They are so great!! :) I've been working away at writing this story for you all! So here is another chapter!! Please review!!_

_Thanks again to my beta - You are, of course, the best! ;)_

_Enjoy _

Chapter 4 - "Twisted Nightmare" In Pieces by Linkin Park

Grissom closed the door behind him. His office was slightly dark and quiet compared to the noise of the lab, but his heart was beating so loud, he didn't even notice the difference. Sara stood with his desk behind her, giving him an apprehensive look as he leaned against the door. Grissom's eyes rose from the floor, meeting Sara's gaze for the first time, and at that moment, she knew.

Deep down in heart and soul, she knew; It was over. Her life as she knew it was now part of the past. Dead. Done. Finished. Over. It was gone forever and there would be no getting it back. She feared the worst, but tried so very hard to hope for the better. But she knew, it was no use.

"Sara, sit down...Please."

"Grissom, if you don't tell me what's going on right now, I'm walking out that door." Sara said, her voice barely above a whisper. Afraid that if she spoke too loud her voice would give away the fear that was building inside.

"I-I don't know where to start...."

"Maybe the beginning would be best."

Grissom sighed. "Sara, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. I-"

"Gil, I swear, if you don't tell me what the hell is going on then-" Sara said coldly, becoming tired of Grissom not giving her an explanation.

He couldn't hold it in any longer. "I slept with another woman."

The room fell into dead silence.

It was as if the world had stopped spinning. Sara felt sick to her stomach. Her blood ran cold. She couldn't breathe; couldn't think. All she could do was stand there looking at him, as her eyes filled with tears. She prayed to God that she had heard him wrong. That this was all some sick, twisted nightmare that she would wake up from, in the arms of the man she loved. If only that where true.

"You what?" The voice that spoke sounded nothing like her own. It was weak and fragile, and it was empty. It held no emotion. No passion. No love; Like her voice so often did whenever she talked to him.

"I'm so, so sorry. If I could go back and change things, I swear on my life, that I would. I was _stupid_and-and, I just wasn't thinking." Grissom pleaded.

"It's over." Tears silently streamed down her face. She could feel the blood draining from her face. She could feel her heart breaking into a thousand pieces inside of her.

"Please, Sara. Please. We can work through this, but please, please, do not say that it's over." Grissom wanted nothing more at that moment then to hold her in his arms and apologize a thousand times. He prayed to God that he would die at that very moment, because he knew he deserved it. He couldn't take seeing the only person he truly loved in so much pain, knowing that he had been the one who to cause it.

Sara took a step closer to the door, but Grissom stood his ground, blocking her from leaving. "Get out of my way, now." Sara said through gritted teeth.

"Please, can we just talk about this? I know I screwed up. I know that, Sara. Trust me _I know_. If I could go back in time and change things I would. I know you must hate me right now-"

"You know what's worse then hating you, Gil?" Sara said, her voice suddenly and almost unnaturally calm. "The fact that I still love you."

"Then let's just talk abou-"

"And it's _because_ I love you that this is over." Sara said, cutting him off forcefully. "You crossed the line, Gil. And once you have there is _no _going back... I'll stay at Nick's tonight. I'll be by tomorrow to pick up my things...Now let me go."

"Sara, come on now-"

"Gil! You slept with another woman! And now you expect me to just forgive you so we can go on with our merry lives?! Are you really _that _naive?" Sara said, looking him directly in the eye.

"Please. Don't do this." Grissom begged.

"Don't you do that. Don't you try and make _me_ the bad guy in this. I didn't do anything, Gil. You did this _all_yourself." Sara moved past Grissom and walked out the door, letting it slam shut behind her.

Sara walked down the hallway of the lab, people staring at her as she passed, but she didn't care. She hadn't even realized that she was still crying until her vision became blurred, she wiped the tears away angrily.

His words where echoing in her head. Over and over, like a broken record. _"I slept with another woman."_

She'd heard the phrase, 'One moment can change everything.' but she'd never actually believed it to be true. But oh how she was wrong. One sentence had changed her life. She had gone from happily in love to being impetuously alone and empty.

Grissom stood in his office. The words spoken moments ago, ringing in his ears. Never in his life had he known someone to be so stupid. And _he _was the stupid one. He'd screwed up _everything. _His life had been so perfect, and now he left it broken. Lying in pieces in front of him. And he knew, no matter how hard he tried to put it together again, it would never be the same.

He had shattered the most precious thing life had to offer. Love. It has taken him so long to find love and even longer to make it a reality. And now, in a single moment, it was gone. Never again would they have the same trust. Never again would they look at each other the same way. Never again would he hear her utter the words "I love you". If that was not disheartening, he didn't know what was.

He'd emotionally stabbed himself in the heart. He felt as if he was near to dying, although this was far worse then death could ever be. So here he was, bleeding out from a wound he had made. There was only one person that could heal him, and he knew she didn't want a thing to do with him. Let alone mend his broken heart, when her own was most likely crushed.

Grissom felt the world outside the lab bustling about, going on with their busy day. But his world had stopped. The minute Sara walked out that door, his world had been reduced to nothing. It was nothing, it would be nothing. It no longer held a place in the world. He was cold and alone.

And, it was all his fault.

_Please, please, please review!! Thanks!!!_


	5. Chapter 5

_Hey! Wow So I can't believe how many reviews this story has gotten! I never expected it to be so popular!! lol Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! Here another chapter, and you know the drill by now, read and then review! ;)_

_Thanks again to my beta - Addy, don't know how many times I can say it but I'll say it again, thank you so much!!! Lol_

_Enjoy_

Chapter 5 - "Tip Of The Iceberg" My Immortal by Evanescence

Sara found herself standing in the locker room. Although the tears had stopped, the aching in her heart was worse then ever. Her mind was still trying to grasp what had just happened. It felt so surreal. And yet, from the pain coursing through her body, she knew _everything_ was real, because a dream couldn't hurt this much.

She fumbled with her locker, trying to get it open, but she couldn't focus. She was trying so hard to forget what had just happened but the image of Grissom with another woman kept plaguing her every thought. Sara could almost hear him saying her name _"Please, Sara. Please.". _It was not until the third time that she realized someone was saying her name. It just wasn't who she thought it was.

Sara turned to meet the worried gaze of Warrick as he stood in the doorway. "Sara? What's wrong?"

_'Shit._' She thought, knowing there would still be evidence of her tears and that he wouldn't stop until he knew what was wrong. She knew it was a long shot, but she had to try. Anything to keep from revealing the truth. "Um I'm fine, just have a really bad headache is all."

He didn't buy it. "Sar, come on, it's me! You know you can tell me anything." Warrick said, moving closer to her.

Sara could feel her eyes burning with tears again. Why did he have to be so damn caring? She closed her eyes and swallowed hard, willing herself to keep her emotions in, but nothing got past Warrick. He saw the small tear that escaped.

"Sara, come here. Sit down." He said, placing a hand on her shoulder and guiding her to sit on the bench behind her.

That was it. The tip of the ice berg. _'Here come the freakin' water works.' _She thought sarcastically as she felt more tears rolling down her face. Warrick sat with her in silence for a few moments, just letting her cry.. He kept his arm wrapped tightly around her. It made her feel safe; like nothing could touch her. But the problem was that all of her pain was coming from the inside, and no matter how close he held her, he could never make that pain go away.

"I'm sorry." She said, wiping away a few more tears with the back of her hand.

"It's okay, Sar."

"I didn't know I had this many tears in me." She said, making her lame attempt at a joke.

Warrick, being the guy that he was, smiled and chuckled a little. "So...What's going on?"

"Look, Warrick, I'm not....I'm not sure if I can tell you right now. It's just-" Sara closed her eyes again trying desperately to keep her emotions in check. "It's just that if I did, I don't think I could take it. You know?"

Warrick looked at her sympathetically. "If you're not ready to tell me, then you're not ready. But, I'm here when you want to talk alright? Day or night...I'm worried about you, girl."

"I know you are, and knowing that means the world to me. I'm just...I just need some time." Sara said, sighing tiredly.

"You got all the time in the world then." He said, grinning.

Sara returned the smile sadly. Although she was very grateful for having a friend like Warrick, no matter how sweet or encouraging he could be, right now she couldn't be anywhere close to happy.

"So um, do you know where Nick is? I have a question for him." Sara asked, trying to move the spotlight off of herself.

"I think he might still be on a case. You could probably try his cell." Warrick was dying to know what was going on with Sara and why she wanted to talk to Nick. But he knew her well enough to know that if she didn't want to talk, then she wasn't going to.

"Yeah, I'll do that." Sara said, getting up a little awkwardly since Warrick's arms where still around her. She walked over to the door and looked at Warrick noticing the slightly hurt look on his face. "Hey Warrick?"

"Yeah?" He said looking at her.

"Thanks, for being here for me and all. It really does mean a lot to me. You know that, right?"

Warrick smiled at her, "I know Sara."

She smiled back and then turned down the hallway. Now that she was out of Warrick's warm embrace she felt the insecurity returning. She felt awkward and out of place walking down the hall, like suddenly she didn't belong. She hated that _he _had made her feel like this. The lab was her home. And now it was only a reminder of _him_ and what he had done.

Noticing Nick and Catherine walking towards her, she felt relief flow through her. Their familiar faces could not have come at a better time. But upon seeing Nick's smiling and happy face, Sara was suddenly reminded of her own inner turmoil. She smiled slightly but it quickly faded back to the hard, empty look of sorrow.

"Hey um Cath, I was wondering if I could have the rest of the night off? I'm-I'm just not feeling that good." Sara said. It wasn't a total lie, she really _wasn't _feeling well, but it just didn't have anything to do with her health so much as her emotional state.

"It's fine by me, but why aren't you asking Grissom?"

At the mention of his name Sara felt the blood drain from her face and as her heart skipped a beat. She quickly glanced away from Catherine, hoping she wouldn't notice Sara's sudden change in demeanor.

"He uh- he just said to check with you." Sara said, swallowing hard.

Catherine gave Nick a look and he nodded in agreement. Something was definitely going on. "Okay, well um go ahead. If you want I can give you a ride."

"No! No, that's okay. Really. I'm just gonna grab my stuff from the locker room and head home. Thanks though. For the offer, and everything." The last thing Sara wanted now was to hear 20 questions from Catherine- the lab's very own 'gossip girl'- the whole way home.

"Alright. I hope you feel better." Catherine said, giving the younger CSI a warm smile.

Sara smiled back half-heartedly. "Nick, can I uh, talk to you. _Alone_?"

"Yeah sure. I'll catch up with you in a bit, Cath." Nick said as he followed Sara down the hall.

He was now _seriously _concerned about Sara. She was acting strange and for Sara, the girl who works on her nights off and gladly pulls doubles, to take a sick day without being _really _sick, that meant that something was definitely going on.

Sara led the way to the locker room, praying that no one else would be in there. Her heart was beating twice as fast as she tried to think of the best way to explain the events that had happened between herself and Grissom. She didn't want to admit that he had cheated to herself, let alone another person. Sara couldn't figure out if it made it worse that she'd be telling one of her closest and dearest friends, or if it was better.

When they arrived at the locker room, Sara let out a sigh of relief, finding that it was empty.

"What's up Sar?"

She took a deep breathe. Should she just spit it out in one sentence, like ripping off a band-aid? Or should she tell it to him slowly, like-well like telling it to him slowly?

"Sara, you're shaking."

Sara was slightly startled by his voice penetrating her thoughts. She followed his gaze and found her hands were indeed shaking. "Oh." Sara said softly. "I guess I am."

"Here, come on, sit down." He placed around her should, much like Warrick had earlier that evening, and sat down next to her on the bench. "You know what; I'm taking you home right now."

"Nick, no." Sara said, relaxing into his touch. "I'm fine, just give me a minute. Please."

Nick, although unhappy about it, sat their silently waiting for her to talk.

Sitting there with him felt so nice. She felt protected. She felt calm. She felt loved. No way was she going to ruin it now by telling him what was so heavily weighted on her heart.

Sara smiled at him sadly. "You know, I um- I'll talk to you about it later. Right now I think I need to get home and get some rest, okay?"

He looked into her eyes but could see no emotion. Just a blank and cold stare. "Alright. Call me if you need anything okay? I mean it. If you want chicken noodle soup and crackers, I'll be there before you can say 'crime scene'." Nick said, with a big Texas smile.

"I might just take you up on that, cowboy."

His smile grew upon hearing the old Sara again. The one he loved so much.

"You better go help Cath with that evidence before you get your head chopped off."

"Yeah. Feel better okay?"

"Already am." Sara said, trying her hardest to smile genuinely.

Once Nick was out the door Sara felt the cloud of sadness return. Why couldn't she just tell him? That's what friends were for right? To help you through the troubles in life. To be a shoulder to cry on. To tell you it would all work out.

But Sara knew; this was one thing that would _not _work out.

_Please review! Thanks!!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Hey everyone. Thanks again for all the reivews! So great. You know the drill by now, read and review! _

_Thanks again to my beta :)_

Enjoy

Chapter 6 - "I Feel So Empty" We Are Broken by Paramore

Grissom heard the knock on the door but didn't move to open it. He hoped that whoever was there would just go away. They knocked again. Still, he stood there. Motionless. Right where Sara had left him.

"Griss, what are you doing? You know we still have cases right?" Catherine said, coming into the room. "Earth to Grissom!?" She said when he still showed no reaction to her being there.

Catherine, being who she was, shook it off and got right on to why she had come to talk to him in the first place. "So how come Sara came to me to ask for the night off?"

At the sound of her name, Grissom felt his heart clench. He wanted nothing more then to find a dark hole, crawl into it and never come out again. His mind was still reeling from before. Going over every small detail. Engraving the words into his mind. _"You know what's worse then hating you, Gil? The fact that I still love you." _At least he knew that somewhere in her heart she still loved him. He just didn't know how long that was going to last.

"Gil! Are you even listening?" Catherine said, becoming frustrated.

"Is she gone?" Grissom asked.

"Is _who_ gone?"

"Sara." Her name fell from his lips like the first rain drop falling from the sky. Smooth and graceful. He'd said her name thousands of times, but this time was different. He didn't know how to explain it, it just was.

Catherine shook her head, trying to figure out what in the world was going on. First Sara acts weird and asks for the night off, and now Grissom was acting just as strange, if not more so. "No, she was talking to Nick just a little bit ago."

"I-I have to stop her." Grissom said, his voice giving no emotion.

Catherine sighed in annoyance. "Why? I already told her she could! She said she wasn't feeling well and quite frankly the girl needs a night off every once in while. God knows she hasn't taken one in at least a year."

"I just-I have to. I can't let her go like this."

"Like what Grissom!? You know you are really starting to piss me off! First Sara's acting strange and now you're acting like a blabbering idiot! Would you just-"

"I cheated on Sara."

The words hit Catherine like a slap in the face. Her jaw dropped, the words catching in her throat. She didn't know what to say or do.

"Catherine, I don't know what to do. I've never felt like this before. I feel so cruel. So awful. What do I do?" Grissom's voice was close to breaking. He looked like a small child, lost. Away from everything he ever knew, with no one to tell him where to go.

"Grissom, I can't. I-I can't help you with this. I'm not even sure I can be around you right now. I _cannot believe_ you did something like this. She _loves_, you Gil. She _really loves_ you. I just-I don't know, Gil. I really don't know." Catherine shook her head, for the first time in a long time; she was at a complete loss for words. Nothing could even start to describe what she was thinking now.

"Tell me what to do. Please. I'm so lost."

"I just can't. I'm sorry Gil. But you made this mess and trust me, you are going to have one hell of a time trying to clean it up. And don't you ever ask me for help with this again." Catherine spit out the last words with a vengeance.

With that she turned and walked out the door. Catherine looked around the lab in search of Sara. She couldn't believe Sara had been able to keep such a calm demeanor when she had seen her just moments before. Catherine was having a hard enough time keeping her cool and she wasn't even the one who just found out her boyfriend had cheated on her.

_'God, what the girl must be going through.' _Catherine thought as she poked her head into the break room. Still no sign of her. Just then she saw Nick coming out of the break room.

"Nick! Where did Sara go?" She asked quickly.

He looked at her, confused. "She just left; Said she was going home. Why? What's going on now?"

Catherine didn't even wait around to give him an answer. She hurried out to the parking lot, hoping against hope that Sara hadn't left yet. Sure enough, just as she stepped out of the lab she saw Sara across the parking lot.

"Sara! Wait!"

Sara heard her name being called. She wanted nothing more then to just ignore it, get in her car and so very far away. But then she turned to see a very concerned looking Catherine rushing over to her.

"You know, Cath, I'm sorry. But I'm really not feeling good and I want to go home." Sara said, hoping Catherine would just drop whatever lecture she was sure she was about to get.

"Sara...I know."

"You know what?" Sara asked, her heart started beating faster and faster in fear that she already knew the answer to her own question.

Catherine could see the pain in Sara's eyes. It made her heart break, she knew every thought and emotion that must be running through Sara. She'd been cheated on more then once in her life and it brought pain no one could ever want.

"About...Grissom."

"He-" Sara swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears inside. "He told you?"

Catherine nodded her head, knowing that there where no words to express the things she wanted to say. She saw this young woman, full of love and life, breaking right in front of her, and she couldn't do a thing.

The tears silently came, one by one. Sara held her gaze with Catherine. Not moving, not breathing. Her lips began to quiver as the tears came faster. Now that someone knew, it was as if it was real. But Sara didn't want it to be real. She wanted to wake from this nightmare. To wake up in the arms of the man she loved so deeply.

"Sara, I so sorry." Catherine said, almost close to tears herself. She was still trying to grasp the fact and realization herself, of what Grissom had done. He had _cheated_ on Sara. The woman that he had loved for so many years.

Catherine knew that they had been in love for years. But neither of them where ever willing to take the next step. Then it was like they literally _fell_ into love. It happened so gracefully. So smoothly. Suddenly they where together. A pair. Two hearts made to be one. To should destined for each other. Two bodies that lived _for_ the other.

And now, that love was broken.

_Don't forget to reivew!! Thanks_


	7. Chapter 7

_Hello everyone! Thanks for the wonderful reviews! Keep them coming!! :) I do have to say I really like this chapter. You get some good Griss/Sara action! Thanks to my beta - Addy! Without you my story would have many grammar and spelling errors! lol Thanks a bunch! _

_On with the reading!! Enjoy_

Chapter 7 - "Every Action Has A _Reaction_" Sorry by Daughtry

Grissom searched the lab frantically looking for Sara; He had to find her. There was no way he could just let her go, leaving things like this. He had to apologize. To say he was sorry. He knew it would make little to no difference in the present situation, but he had to try, otherwise he would never be able to live with himself knowing he didn't even make an effort.

Finally, he saw her standing with Catherine in the parking lot. He could feel his breaths coming quicker as his heart raced. This was his chance. He prayed to God that he didn't screw it up. This was his _one _chance at making things right, and he sure as hell was not going to pass it up.

As he drew closer, Sara noticed him. He watched as her body tensed. Catherine turned around too, her face becoming hard once she saw him.

"Get the hell away from me, Grissom." Sara said, her voice callous.

"Sara please, just listen to me for a minute."

Catherine took a step closer to Sara, wanting Sara to know that the minute she felt uncomfortable, someone was right there with her. Catherine had to bite her tongue. She wanted to badly to start screaming at Grissom, telling him what an idiot he was. But she knew this was not her fight. Sara had to handle this on her own terms.

"Then you better start talking fast."

Grissom took a deep breath, trying to calm his anxious nerves. "I...I never meant to hurt you, Sara. I know that's sounds..."

Sara cut in. "Fake? Like a lie?! You better cut this crap, Grissom. Cause one more stunt like that from you and I am gone."

He closed his eyes, thinking of words to say. "If I say I'm sorry, will you even believe me?...I'm asking you Sara. If I sayI'm sorry, _will you_ believe me? I want to know, Sara, will you ever be able to forgive me?"

"What the hell kind of question is that?"

"It's an honest one. I-I don't have an excuse. I don't _have _an explanation for my actions. It _just_ happened. There is no way to explain it. I was stupid. I was wrong. I know that more then anyone-"

"Don't you dare go making accusations like that. You where _unbelievably_ stupid. You threw away something people only dream of. You threw away our love." Sara spat at him, letting her emotions get the best of her.

"Then give me a chance, Sara. Give me the chance to make things right again."

"You think you can just wave your magic wand and everything will be _right_ again?"

Grissom shook his head in anger. "That is _not _what I'm saying Sara. I'm saying that if I had the chance to go back and undo what I did, I would. I would do it in a heart beat. But I can't do that. I am asking you to give me the opportunity to change. The man I was earlier when I - that wasn't me. You know that. Somewhere in your heart you know that is not who I am."

The two started at each other in silence. Sara loved him. She really did, but she could _never _forgive him. It was just to much. Her mind started to wander. Thinking of how things could be. Because, truthfully, she didn't want to face the reality that was screaming in her face.

Catherine glancing back and fourth, wondering who was going to make the next move. She noticed Sara's body was still tense and rigid. She then looked at Grissom, his jaw was clenched and his breathing was hard. Now the question was, who was going to blow first?

When Sara spoke her voice was the complete opposite of her appearance. It was calm and soft. Where as you would have expected it to be hard and loud. "This was your chance, Gil. And you lost it. I'm not sure if you can have it back...Maybe-maybe one day we can try again...Because you are right, I know that what you did earlier wasn't you. But you still did it.

And I can't....I can't change what has been said or done, but I can decide where things will go. And I do still love you."

Sara couldn't believe how calm she was. She should be screaming at him, throwing things at him. Yet here she was, telling him maybe one day they could try again. Grissom was right, maybe she did have too much empathy.

"I love you Gil. I want you back."

_"That is not what I'm saying Sara. I'm saying that if I had the chance to go back and undo what I did, I would. I would do it in a heart beat. But I can't do that. I am asking you to give me the opportunity to change. The man I was earlier when I - that wasn't me. You know that. Somewhere in your heart you know that is not who I am." _

Grissom and Catherine stood there in silence. Waiting for Sara to say something.

Sara took a deep breath, trying to bring herself back to reality. "You're right, Grissom. That wasn't you. I don't know who you are anymore, and I am _not_ going stick around to find out if the man I love will come back. It's over.

I_ cannot_ look past the fact that you-" Sara squeezed her eyes shut. Once she said it there was no going back. She had to do it now, if she didn't, she would never be able too. "The fact that you slept with another woman.

And you know what? You are going to have to live with this the rest of your miserable life. And every time you see me, you are going to be reminded of what you did. I will _never _let you forget what you've done."

The words coming from her mouth hit him like bullets. So this really wasn't some sick nightmare; It was real. The relationship between Sara and himself was over, and he'd brought it all on himself. The moment he walked up to Amy's door. The second he stepped inside.

Because of one stupid mistake, everything he ever knew was gone, never to return to the way it was again.

"Every action has a reaction, right Gil?" She said cynically.

Grissom just stared at her. He couldn't believe the words that were falling from her lips. He knew he deserved it. He really did. But still, he could not believe that it was _his_ Sara that was saying this. "So that's it?"

"Do you _really _have to ask?"

"I guess not." Grissom's voice sounded hurt.

But Sara didn't care. His pain could come no where close to what she was feeling. And she didn't deserve this, he _did_. Probably much more too, but she didn't have the heart to totally crush him. After all, they had been in love for years. No matter how angry she was, she wouldn't destroy him.

Grissom turned and walked away. Sara was fighting back the tears as she stood next to Catherine and watched him go. It was as if it was all real now. Everything that just happened was reality. It was fact. Truth. It was real.

_Please reivew and let me know what you think! Thanks!! _


	8. Chapter 8

_Hey! Oh my goodness! I cannot believe how many reviews this story has gotten! I'm serious!!! It's crazy!! Lol But I love it so much! Here is another chapter for you all. Hmm not much else to say except thanks again to Addy, couldn't have done any of this without you! :) Please review and let me know what you think! Next chapter will be up in a week!_

_Enjoy_

Chapter 8 "The Question" Believe by The Bravery

He didn't look back. He didn't turn to have one last look. He just...walked away.

Sara watched him go. Drifting farther and farther away from her. She wanted so badly to tell him to stop. To say she forgave him, that she still loved him with every beat of her heart.

But, she wanted him to walk. To walk away meant it was over, because it had to be. This had to end. They couldn't leave things unfinished. She hadn't forgiven him. At the moment she hated him with such a passion no words could even begin to explain. Maybe she did love him. Maybe somewhere in the bottom of her heart, she still had feelings for him. At the moment, though, those feelings were buried as deep as they possibly could be.

Catherine turned to look at her. Sara's expression was blank, showing not even the slightest bit of sorrow or pain. The tears had stopped falling from her eyes and a look of emptiness now held their place.

"Come on, Sara. I'll drive you home, okay." Catherine said softly.

"There is no 'home' anymore. Not with _him_ there."

Catherine immediately realized her mistake. Grissom and Sara had been keeping their relationship hidden as best they could for so long, she had forgotten that they now lived together.

"It's fine, Catherine. I'm just going to take a drive. I need time to think, clear my head."

"Sara, honey, that's not going to work. I know, I've tried. The best thing-"

"I'm _not _you."

Sara's words were harsh, and if said at any other time Catherine would have taken offense to them, but right now she knew the younger woman was going through a tornado of emotions. She knew, and somewhat hoped, that the anger was not directed specifically at herself.

"I know you're not. If you need to take a drive I'll wait here for you. When you get back we can decide what to do, alright?"

Sara's face softened. "I'm sorry Cath, I didn't mean-"

"Don't worry about it, okay? Just go. If it's what you need to do right now then do it." She said, giving her a warm and yet melancholy smile.

Sara didn't say anything, because she knew she didn't need too. Although she and Catherine never got along the greatest, at the moment she could not have asked for a better friend.

As she got into her car, Sara turned and took another look at the lab. There were so many happy things that had happened there. So many good memories. But she wasn't sure if there were going to be enough to cover up this.

* * *

Grissom walked back into the lab, not knowing where else to go. If he went home, he would be reminded of Sara too much. At the moment, he couldn't handle that. The scene that had just occurred was re-playing over and over in his mind. The look on her face. The words she spoke. The pain in her eyes.

He went straight into his office. Closing the door with bang behind him. He paced the room frantically, not knowing what to do or who to turn too. Catherine had shown her opinion on the matter openly and clearly she was not someone he wanted to talk to at the moment.

Taking his phone out of his pocket he quickly hit speed dial and waited for the familiar voice to answer. Sure enough, he did.

"Brass."

"I need to tell you something, but not over the phone. Where can I meet you?" His words were rushed and desperate.

"Sure. Gil, what's up?" Brass asked, concerned by his friends request.

"I just-I did something. I-I need to talk to someone. Please, Jim."

"Yeah, yeah. Meet me at the diner in ten minutes."

Grissom didn't even say goodbye, he closed his phone and headed out the door. Even though the diner was only a few minutes from the lab he wanted to be there the moment Jim arrived.

Because right now, if he wasn't around people, he was afraid he would end up doing something he could _never_ take back.

* * *

Sara drove through the Las Vegas lights. Cars passing her, tourists walking down the busy streets. Another night in Vegas to be forgotten over time. But for Sara this night would be engraved in her memory forever. She would remember it as the worst night of her life. Well, as of today it was, but she couldn't think of anything that could be worse then this.

Her breathing was calm and relaxed, but the thoughts rushing through her head were jumbled and frantic. _What should I do? How could he ever do something like that?! To sleep with another woman when he _knows_ how I feel about him. And I thought he felt the same way about me....I guess I was wrong. So unbelievably and _horribly_ wrong._

Taking a turn on one of the side roads, she kept driving. Not knowing where she was going, but she knew she _had _to get there. And fast. The road became rough and the darkness surrounded her, but she pressed the gas harder.

Her conscious was telling her to turn back now. To head back to the city, back to Catherine who would surely meet her with open arms to take her somewhere they could talk. She could be surrounded by the people she _knew_ still cared about her. But, she drove on. Farther and farther into darkness. Into the empty abyss.

The cold wind blew outside as rain started to hit the windshield. The only light Sara could see was from the headlights. She knew she had gone too far, that she should have turned back miles ago. But she let the emotional side get the best of her.

Sara didn't even know how long she had been driving for. Just that it was now getting very late and very dark. Turning off the engine she sat there, listening to the rain fall. It was soothing and peaceful. It gave her time to think, to really analyze what was going on. Not only what_ had_ happened, but also what she was feeling on the inside.

Because for the past few hours her emotions had been nothing more then a big mess, that she had no idea how to clean up. The rain started falling faster outside. Thunder crashed and lighting struck somewhere off in the distance.

_"Please, can we just talk about this? I know I screwed up. I know that, Sara. Trust me I know. If I could go back in time and change things I would. I know you must hate me right now-"__"You know what's worse then hating you, Gil?" Sara said, her voice suddenly and almost unnaturally calm. "The fact that I still love you."_

Did she really still love him? Or was it just some stupid emotion that would pass over time. Truthfully, she couldn't tell. Everything was running together. Anger was mixing with sorrow. Sorrow was mixing with confusion.

_"I...I never meant to hurt you, Sara. I know that's sounds..."_

_"Fake? Like a lie?! You better cut this crap, Grissom. Cause one more stunt like that from you and I am gone."_

_"If I say I'm sorry, will you even believe me?...I'm asking you Sara. If I say__I'm sorry, __will you__ believe me? I want to know, Sara, will you ever be able to forgive me?" _

The question of the night; could she ever_ really_ forgive him? Most couples could never overcome something like this. But then again, they weren't _most_couples. They got called off dates to go investigate a murder. He would call her 'dear' while standing over a dead body. They smelled like decomp four out of seven days a week. They were _far_ from beyond your average couple.

_"You're right, Grissom. That wasn't you. I don't know who you are anymore, and I am not going stick around to find out if the man I love will come back. It's over. I cannot look past the fact that you-the fact that you slept with another woman. _

_And you know what? You are going to have to live with this the rest of your miserable life. And every time you see me, you are going to be reminded of what you did. I will never let you forget what you've done."_

Her own words echoed in her thoughts. She felt her eyes fill with tears for the countless time that night. The rain fell harder. Sara pushed the door open and stepped into the cold wet night.

She let the rain mix with the tears on her face. And she let go. She let go of everything she could not utter aloud. She let go of the emotions that words could not touch. She just _let go._

_Please review! Thanks so much _


	9. Chapter 9

_Hey everyone! Here is another chapter. Thanks for the reveiws. Keep em comin! Let me know what you think. Thanks,_

_Enjoy_

Chapter 9 "You Cannot Tell Anyone" Changes by 3 Doors Down

* * *

the darkness fell over her like a blanket of snow

burying her deeper then she ever had been before

the air grew dense and dank, making it hard to breathe

her eyes were wide open but she could not see

heart beat faster with every step, farther into darkness she crept

no sound could be heard, no light could be seen

just the presence of darkness, covering everything

* * *

Nick paced Catherine's office impatiently. Sara had left _two_ hours ago and she still wasn't back. The storm outside had grown much worse, as had the tension inside the lab. By now the word had spread that something had happened between Grissom and Sara, something _big_.

As now, Catherine was the only one who knew just _how_ big that something was. And she was doing her best to keep it that way for as long a possible.

"Catherine, come on! The storm has gotten worse outside and you said Sara went for a _drive_?! She knows better then to do that. Let me go out and look for her! And everyone keeps talking about how somethin' went down between her and Girss. And-"

"Nick!?" Catherine said distressfully.

"What?" He asked, looking at her.

"Just _relax _okay."

"How am I supossed to relax when-"

"Nick!" Catherine was already trying to calm her _own_ nerves and she didn't need him freaking out too.

"Look, Cath, I'm sorry, but I'm just really worried about Sara."

"I know you are, Nick. But you need to get a grip right now. Please?"

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. It was bad enough that Catherine wouldn't let him go out looking for Sara, but it was much worse being kept in the dark about the whole situation.

Catherine looked at the younger man. He was Sara's best friend. He deserved to know what was going on with her. But then again, it wasn't Catherine's place to tell him.

She sighed and hoped that she was doing the right thing. "Nick, if I tell you something can you _promise_ me to keep a level head and not tell anyone? And by anyone, I mean _anyone. _If you tell a single soul I swear you will not walk out of this lab."

"Of course, Cath. Why? What's wrong?"

"Grissom..." She paused, wondering if it was better to tell him flat out and take it slow. She decied to go with the first. "He cheated on Sara."

Nick's face went compleately white with shock. "He _what_?!"

"Sara found out tonight that he-that he cheated on her. There was an 'insident' in the parking lot between Grisom and Sara. I was there when it happened and Sara told me she needed to go for a drive to clear her head. And I'm worried about her to, Nick, but right now she just needs time to prosess everything. God knows I'm still having trouble dealing with this whole mess."

Nick wasn't hearing a word she said. Grissom _cheated_ on Sara. The words felt like poisen to his soul. This was his mentor. The man who had taught him everything he knows and he had cheated on Sara, his best friend. Sara had always been there for him. When he needed her most, when he needed to talk. The two were so close that just a glance could say a thousand words. When a single moment could be a lifetime.

She'd pulled him out of the darkness a countless number of times. And now, when it was her life that needed saving, he wasn't with her. She'd been trying to tell him, that's what it was about in the locker room. He felt so stupid now, thinking back on. She had been trying to tell him that her heart was broken and he'd just made some joke about chicken soup.

How could he have been so stupid? To not see his closest friend, standing shattered and empty before him, and he did nothing. He didn't press her, he didn't dig deeper. He just let her walk away without a second thought.

* * *

Brass sat across from Grissom, astonished. "Look Gil, I don't agree with what you did in the slightest way, but that doesn't mean I'm doing to stop being your friend. But I can't tell you what to do. That's something you need to figure out yourself."

"Jim, please! I need someone to just point me in the right direction. I don't know what to do-"

"And you think I do?"

Grissom sighed. "No. I don't think that. I just I'm so lost right now."

"I can't, Gil. You know that._ You_ need to figure out what to do. This is one road people have to travel by themselves."

* * *

Nick walked briskly through the lab. He had to do something. Either find Sara or Grissom, whichever came first. But he could not sit around and do nothing.

"Nick, man, where's the fire?" Warrick said jokingly as he passed.

He didn't laugh. In fact Nick didn't even smile. Instead he pulled Warrick into the locker room hurridly. Warrick gave him a look, wondering what in the world it was all about.

"You cannot tell anyone, okay?" Nick said, solemly.

"Yeah. Yeah, of course."

"Well Cath told me Sara went for a drive. I thought it was pretty stupid of Sara to go 'for a drive' in this weather, but I let it go. Well it's been two hours and she still isn't back."

Warrick cut in, "Well have you called her?"

"That's the thing, Cath didn't want me to."

He looked at Nick quizzically. "So what happened?"

"I pressed Cath to tell me what hell was going on and...well what she told me-it just I can't believe that he would do it. But it's not like Catherine would lie about something like this. I mean come on, it's Cath we're talkign about here and-"

"Nick! Who is 'he' and what did he do?" Warrick asked, becoming anxious.

"Griss cheated on Sara...At least that's what Cath told me. I guess the two had a confrontation in the parking lot and Cath was there. Sar said she needed to take a drive to clear her head, but that was two hours ago and she's still not back."

Warrick looked infuriated. The look on his face was one of pure and raw vengance. Nick could tell Warrick's blood was boiling with anger. The words that came from his mouth were _to_ soft. _To_ relaxed.

"Where is he?"

* * *

The rain had finally started to let up as Sara pulled into the parking lot. She looked at the lab through the rain spattered windsheild. How could she go back in there? How could she even work there, if it meant working with _him_?But it wasn't like she could just up and leave. She would be leaveing everything she knew behind. She couldn't do that. But then again, could she work side by side with the man that betrayed her?

Sara had to admit she was scared. But she was Sara Sidle, who wasn't suposed to be afraid of _anything_. The fearless woman who could look death in face and not even flinch. But right now she felt more vulnerable then ever. Truth be told she wasn't superwoman. So maybe she could look down the barel of a gun and keep calm, but that was only on the outside.

The woman beneth the surface was scared out of her wits. She always tried her hardest to keep everything under control. To keep her emotions hidden behind a wall that could very seldom, if ever, be overcome.

No one could _really _understand what she was going through. Catherine understood to some extent what she was going through, but then again everyone is differnt. We all handle things in a different way, our opinons and emotions are differnt. So how could anyone _truly_ understand what she was feeling?

Sara sat there, the pain inside making her numb. She kept having to remind herself to breathe, but air just didn't seem to fill her lungs. Darkness seemed to surround her; suffacating her. His words were still echoing in her thoughts. Every word cutting to the bone. Making her bleed. Sara almost wished there was blood. Some visiable sign for all of the pain.

Her life had changed so drastically in such a short amount of time. She just prayed it would change again soon. Only this time, for the better.

_Please review! Thank you!! :)_


	10. Chapter 10

_hey, sorry this chapter is a day late. yesterday was beyond crazy. there is some stuff going on with my famiy right now so I'm gonna try my hardest to ud every week but it may end up being a few days late, just to warn you. but don't worry I will continue this story no matter what. _

_Moochiecat - Yes, there will be a happy ending to this story, don't worry_

_was spratlurid quimby - I'm not sure how many chapters there will be..._

_enjoy the reading, please review. this is one of my favorite chapters....thanks_

Chapter 10 "Who Is Going To Catch Me" Collapse The Light Into Earth by Porcupine Tree

The smell of rain hung heavily in the air and the streets still glisened with water in the Las Vegas lights. Grissom watched as Brass drove away from the diner. Their talk had helped a lot; Grissom now had a clearer perspective on things. but he couldn't wrap his head around the truth of what he had done.

Brass had been understanding and gave his view on the situation without stepping on anyones toes. It felt nice to just talk about everything, hearing the words aloud in his own voice brought a sense of realization to the whole matter.

Getting into his car he drove back to the lab; although he really didn't want to go back there he knew he had to or else he would be hearing about it from Ecklie. That was one problem he _really _didn't need right now.

As he drove his mind wandered. What would life be like after this, so called, chapter of his life? He and Sara had been living together for quite some time now, what would happen to their place? What would happen at work? He knew neither of them would be willing to leave. Although, could they handle working side by side?

Warrick searched each room of the lab looking for Grissom with Nick right at his heels. "Come on, Warrick. Just take a minute to cool off. He's probably not even here!" Nick said, worried that his friend would end up doing something stupid.

"No, Nick. He cheated on Sara and he's going to have to deal with the consiquenses."

"Rick! Get a hold of yourself! I'm just as mad at Grissom as you are, do you see me chargeing through the lab-"

"What were you doing no more then five minutes ago, Nick? You were looking for him too. Just like I am. So don't lie to me." Warrick said, turning to face him.

Nick sighed. He had been doing the same exact thing just moments before. "Look, you're right, okay? But now seeing you like this, I know it's not the right thing to do right now. We don't know Griss' side of the story or anything. All I'm going off of is what Cath told me. We're jumpin' the gun here, Warrick. Just think about it okay."

Warrick's face softend, but his heart was still beating hard in his ears. "Then we'll find Grissom and listen to what he says. But first we're finding Sara. God only knows where she might be and what's she's going through."

Sara got out of her car and stood there, after all what was the rush? Catherine knew what was going on and Sara figured she'd understand if she took the night off. But then again Sara wasn't sure if she really wanted to take the night off. Where would she go? She couldn't go home. It would remind her to much of him and what he'd done.

As she walked across the black pavement she heard a familiar voice call out her name. She stoped and turned to see Greg running towards her. He stopped when they were about a foot apart from eachother. No words were spoken; they just looked into eachothers eyes. He looked troubled as he stood before Sara in the crisp air.

"You know." Sara said softly, saying it more as a statment then a question.

Greg didn't say anything, but the look on his face spoke a thousand words.

He took a step forward and wrapped his arms around her. He wanted so badly to tell her it would be okay. That things would work out. But he couldn't lie to her. Truthfully he wasn't even sure if things could get any better. Although he knew they had to, at the moment it was hard to see the light at the end of this dark and seemingly never ending, tunnel.

"Oh Greg...I'm so scared." Sara whispered in to him; her voice breaking.

Greg suddenly felt his own eyes fill with tears. All the years that he'd known Sara, he'd only seen her come close to breaking down maybe once or twice. Yet here she was, falling to apart in his arms. And he had no idea as to what to do or how he could help.

So he held her close. And he swore to himself he wouldn't let go until she was ready.

Grissom pulled into his usual parking spot. He started to head inside, but suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks. _Sara. _She was standing just outside the front doors of the lab with Greg's arms wrapped tightly around her.

His heart beat quickened and his palms began to sweat. Did he really want to face her again after the word's they had exchanged only hours ago? Could he hadle it? Better yet, could she? Grissom found himself just watching her. He could tell she was crying as sob's racked her body. She looked so small and fragile standing there. Like a child that was lost.

Grissom turned away, unable to look any longer. But he should have left sooner. When he heard his name being called, he knew it wasn't good. He turned to see Warrick walking angrily towards him; with Nick and Catherine close behind him.

Sara and Greg broke apart and looked to see what was going on. When Sara's eyes fell upon Grissom she felt as if someone shot an arrow through her heart. How much pain could one person take in one night before it was to much? Because right now, she was on the edge of breaking. Truthfully she wasn't sure if she could handle another scene with Grissom.

Greg, seeing that Sara was unsure of what to do, took her by the hand and held on tightly. If things started to take a turn for the worse, he would take her far away from here. He didn't know exactly where they would go but, but he would get her out.

"What the hell did you do Grissom? To _cheat _on Sara?! What is wrong with you!?' Warrick felt the anger rising within him and at the moment he didn't care if it got the best of him.

Grissom took a deep breathe. "It's none of your buisness, Warrick. This is between Sara and I. But I'll have you know that I am sorry and-"

"You're sorry, Grissom? Did you ever think about what Sara's going through? You stuck a knife through her heart and then yanked it around. And it is my buisness. Sara is _family. _You know I thought you were too, but I guess I was wrong."

Grissom felt the words hit him like bricks, but somewhere in him, he knew he deserved every bit and more. He'd hurt Sara in a way he never thought was possible. It was only right for him to feel pain too. "Look Warrick, I know what I did was wrong and I regreat it like you wouldn't believe. At the moment I just don't know what to do next. I want to make it better, but I know I can't. So please forgive me if you can."

"You think she knows what to do right now? That she has it all planned out. What about your job Griss? Are you going to transfer Sara for _your _mistake? Did you think about that? Did you think about how this will affect _everything_?!"

Grissom's jaw clenched but he didn't say anything. He had to bite his tougne to keep from getting after Warrick. But he knew if he did that he would get himself into more trouble.

"And just so you know, _hell_ will have to freeze over before I will even _begin_ to consider forgiving you."

"Warrick, come on man. That's enough." Nick tried to coax his friend to take a step back but he held his ground.

Catherine stood silentlyl in the backround, watching everything unfold. Glancing at Sara and Greg every few seconds to make sure she was okay. A heavy and cold silence fell over them, before Sara's hushed voice broke it.

"Warrick, stop."

He turned to look at her, surprised.

"I know that you are only trying to help, and I am unbelieveably greatful for it, but Nick's right. That _is _enough."

Grissom stood there in shock. Was Sara really helping him out?

"But Sar, I thought that-"

"You should have talked to me first before going at Grissom like that, Warrick. You're putting words in my mouth and although I may feel exactly how you said, _you_ didn't know that. So please, just stop. Otherwise you'll end up doing something stupid. I don't want to see that happen, I don't want this night to get any worse then it already is." Sara's voice was serenely calm and collected.

Grissom looked at Sara, astonished that she would actually _stop _Warrick from yelling at him. He thought that's what she would have wanted right now.

"I'm sorry, Sara." Warrick said. Although he felt ashamed for his outburst, he would not be apologize to Grissom for it.

Greg looked from Sara to Grissom, wondering what would happen next. He could tell that Sara was on the verge of breaking down again and he didn't want to see that happen. "Cath, I'm gonna..." He trailed off, tilting his head towards Sara. He knew he didn't have to say it aloud for Catherine to understand what he meant.

"Sure. I'll cover for you with Ecklie." She said softly.

"Sara?" Greg spoke quietly, tugging on her hand. "Come on, let's get out of here."

She didn't say a word as they walked away; leaving three of their closest friends in silence. And leaving the fourth, whom they had thought to be their friend, in such a state of epmtiness and pain that he never knew to be possible.

The sun was just starting to peak over the Nevada moutains as they drove in silence. The dark clouds of rain now fading in the backround. Greg kept throwing glances at Sara. Asking if was okay felt like a stupid question but one that he very much wanted an answer too. But he kept his mouth shut. Knowing she would talk when she was ready.

Greg headed to a spot he travled to offten, when he needed to clear his head after a tough case. He thought that would be the best place to go right now. When the car came to a stop he looked over at Sara again. She still held that same blank look on her face that she had for most of the drive.

"Do you want to talk?"

Sara didn't respond right away. She sat there, watching the sun rise over the moutains. It looked so peaceful and surreal.

"You know we spend our whole life waiting for something good to come along, it's like we miss the whole point of living. We're blind to the small things. The every day moments that make us smile and laugh. Even the stupid things, when we just find ourselves smiling out of the blue at some random thing. We waste so much time worrying about what will come, what will be, what will happen, that we miss what's right in front of us.

Then in a blink of an eye, the good things are gone. And we're thrown into never ending darkness. We keep searching for the light, for just one happy moment. Then we realize that we had it all. We had it all right in front of us and we lost it. We let it slip through our finger tips without a second thought. Now, we'd give anything to have it back. But it's gone forever." Her voice was rough and corse with each word she spoke. Like it wasn't even Sara that talking.

"Everything seems to pass so slowly. A second turns into forever. And the darkness presses down on us. Smothering us. We can't breathe, we can't fight, we can't see. We're forever lost in the nothingness. And we look back on those moments we thought were so stupid, so pointless, but now we'd give our life for them. You think you have it all. People who love you. A family that cares. And in a second all of that can go away.

It can disappear before your very eyes. Because sometimes you're trying so hard to focus on it that you can't even tell when it's fading away. You can't see the edges becoming blurry. You can't tell that it's drifting farther and farther away from you. Until it's to late. You can't go back. You can't change it. You can't make it better. You just have to keep going, like it's just another bump in the road.

But the fact is, it's not. It made such an impact on your life that at the time you can't even realize just how big is. Because you're trying so hard to stay strong. To have hope that things will get better. That you miss that your wound is open and bleeding.

And you're moving so fast, that you don't even realize your breathing is becoming harder, your heart rate is slowing, and your falling. And no one is there to catch you..." Sara turned to look at him, her eyes filling with tears once again.

"Who's going to catch me?"

_please review, thanks :)_


	11. Chapter 11

_Hey everyone. I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update. Life has been well not so great. There are some health concerns with my dad and lets just say we are not out of the woods yet. He's been in the hospital over two weeks now and will be there a while longer. _

_I have two more chapters already written up so I will do my best to post them soon. This week my goal is to write at another chapter or two. But don't worry, I'm not going to stop writing. The chapters may be few and far between but I'm going to finish this story no matter what. _

_Thanks for the reviews. Enjoy,_

_Kj_

Chapter 11 "Real, Hard, Powerful Love" Fallin by Alicia Keys

a life with out love is like a flower with out color...it's like a poem without words...like a face without a smile...a day without sun...it's completely and utterly pointless....

Keeping silent felt like the wrong thing to do but then again, were there any words? There is no hidden answer key in the back of the book of life that tells you what to say and how to say it at any given moment. There were just some things in life that could only be met with silence.

Greg looked at Sara, hoping she would say something to break the intensifying silence. He expected her dark brown eyes to be on the verge of tears again or at least have a look of discombobulation on her face.

But instead her face was almost..._content_. It showed no sadness, anger or pain. Like she was relaxed. It was as if her sudden, and quite unexpected, outburst of thoughts and emotions had somehow helped her let go of the inner turmoil that was, or rather had been, plaguing her every thought.

He found it odd that Sara could seemingly let go of everything without even really talking about it. During her whole so called 'rant' she never once touched the subject of Grissom and the situation at hand.

"What are you staring at, Greg?" Sara asked, making him jump a little at the sound of her voice.

"You."

She laughed a little and rolled her eyes. "Yes I know that, Greg. But why?"

"Well if you wanted to know why, you should have said 'why' in the first place. Instead of saying 'what'." Greg said smiling. "I was _looking, _not staring, at you because...well, you look really peaceful right now. It just sort of took me by surprise is all."

"So, I can't look peaceful without grasping your attention?" She asked, raising her eyebrow at him.

Greg sighed drastically, earning himself a small smile. "No, you just..." He stopped, becoming serious. "You looked almost...happy. I just-it was nice. Tonight has been, well it's been hell for you and I was happy to see you looking-"

"Peaceful?"

"Yeah...Sara?"

She turned to look at him. "Yeah?"

"You know you can talk to me right?"

"Of course, Greg. What do you call what we're doing right now?"

"No, I mean about serious stuff. Not just the every day chit-chat...I-I can be serious you know? I'm not just the crazy haired lab tech, who cracks inappropriate jokes at the wrong time. I can and _want_ to be the guy you can come to and talk to about stuff."

Sara smiled at him faintly. "I know I can talk to you about serious things, Greg. It's nice that I have a friend to talk to about everything else, you know? Someone who I _can_ joke with at inappropriate times and even when I'm having a horrible day...I'm not saying that you will, but it's nice to be able to talk to someone who won't look at me differently because they _do _know all the drama going on in my life."

"Then it's not because you don't trust me with things?"

"I trust you with my life."

"You really mean that, don't you?"

She smiled at him. A true happy and warm smile. Something he hadn't seen all night. "Greg, I would never have said it if I didn't mean it. And I do. I _really_ and_ truly_ do, Greg."

"Good. Cause you know if you didn't trust me then we'd have a serious problem on our hands, you know? Seeing as how we risk our life's on the job and-"

"Why are you talking so much?"

He looked at her apprehensively. "Because."

"Greg, come on. Just tell me."

"Cause I'm trying to keep your mind off...Well, you know."

Sara's face softened. "You don't have to do that."

"I know. I just...I feel bad because I don't know what to say. I can't make it go away. I can't fix _anything_ for you. I _need _to do something, Sara. I can't just sit here and watch your world fall apart.

Whenever I'm having a bad day you always have the right thing to say. You know exactly how to make me laugh and smile. And now in retrospect my bad days are like rainbow's with a dancing leprechauns at the end or something, but that's not the point. Sara, I want to be able to do that for you and right now but it feels like I'm failing; miserably."

"Greg, you are not failing. Actually you are far from it. Look at me, I'm smiling _and _laughing. I don't expect you to have the right thing to say because I don't even know what the right thing to say is. This situation is new to the both of us. You, the caring friend who wants to help but doesn't know how. And me...Whatever the hell I am at the moment."

Sara stopped for a moment, gathering her thoughts. "You know all that advise I give you? Truth be told, more then half the time I have no idea what I'm saying. I don't think before I speak and normally that's what gets me into trouble, but other times I end up saying exactly what the other person need to hear...That's what you're doing, Greg. You're being honest with me.

That's all I need. I don't need to hear some speech about how it'll get better and how I'll overcome this. Because quite frankly I don't give a damn about how life will be hunky dory again. Right now is now. And I feel like crap and would really like to slap Grissom in the face and scream my head off at him. But if I did then I would regret it later. And you, being a true friend, brought me here.

Away from the uncomfortable stares and whispers. Away from Grissom. You knew I was close to breaking. I could see it in the way you were looking at me, you knew. And I was, because if I'd stayed there any longer Grissom would have a black eye and a few broken ribs by now. And let me tell you, they definitely would_ not_have been from Warrick."

"You really would have punched him?" Greg asked questionably.

"Are you kidding me? I would have taken him down." Sara said, laughing.

"I would have liked to see that." He said.

Sara shook her head and smiled. "I'm sure you would've."

"Do you think you'll ever forgive him?"

Sara's smiled almost instantly faded away. Her eyes became sad and cold. Being quite taken aback by the question she turned, looking out the window, away from Greg. She thought for a few minutes.

"I honestly don't know, Greg...I think Gil-" She stopped, fighting hard to keep her emotions in check. "He was the first man I ever truly loved. And he's hurt me in a way I never thought possible...To have your heart broken by the person you trusted and loved most is-is just something I'm not sure I can overcome.

There's a part of me that still loves him. That longs for his touch, to hear his voice...To see him smile. Somewhere in my heart I really and truly do want to forgive him. To go and tell him that it's alright, that we can go on.

But then, there is a part of me, right now that part that is winning, that wants nothing to do with him. To never lay eyes on him again. I want to walk right up to him and tell him that his the most horrid and hateful man and that he has caused me the most pain I have ever endured. And I want him to suffer." Sara said, her voice quivering. "But, I can't. I can't do any of those things.

I can't forgive him. I can't hate him. But I can_ love _him?...What kind of person does that make me? A woman who still loves a man that has cheated on her."

"That makes you the best person in the world. You can look past what others can't. You have a big heart, Sara. And you know how to use it. You don't forgive too readily. So you can't hate him, that's just fine. And you love him because you do. Love is a tricky thing. I don't think anyone in the world could really explain it.

Cause when you love someone like you love Grissom, it's just all these emotions, you know? Your pain, joy, agony, happiness, anger, passion. Every emotion you can feel, you feel at some point and time with that one person. Right now you're feeling anger and pain.

But not matter what happens, no matter how many times you fall flat on you're face, how many times you're hurt, you still, through all of that, have this unconditional love for that person. And come on, that's not something you come upon everyday.

When you do find it...it's like your whole, you're complete. Like you found a part of you, you didn't even know was missing. Now some people say that love brings out the best and worse in you. The good and the bad. Right now you see the dark side of love. The part that only comes out when you've trusted one person with so much and have given all of your love. Then they turn on you and suddenly it's not red roses and kisses anymore.

You can't just forget about him in a matter of hours. Sara, you loved him for _years_. That kind of love just can't be erased from memory. It's engraved in your soul now. You _loved _Grissom, Sara. Real, hard, powerful love.

And that's just not something that can easily be overcome."

_Please review! I need something to make me smile :)_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 "Dear Sara" Falling Down by Duran Duran

Once was a man who consumed his place and time. He thought nothing could touch him. But here and now it's a different storyline. Like the straw he is clutching. Why has the sky turned grey? Hard to my face and cold on my shoulder. And why has my life gone astray? Scarred by disgrace, I know that its over.

Because I'm falling down. With people standing round. But before I hit the ground. Is there time? Could I find someone out there to help me?

Howl at the wind rushing past my lonely head. Caught inside its own motion. How I wish it was somebody else instead. Howling at all this corrosion. Why did the luck run dry?  
Laugh in my face, so pleased to desert me. Why do the cruel barbs fly? Now when disgrace can no longer hurt me. Could I find someone out there to help me? I don't know.... Why...

Grissom sat in his car. He didn't know how long he'd been there but he didn't care. After the incident in the parking lot everyone had just stood there; unsure of what to do next.

Sitting there in the deafening silence, he felt ashamed. Not only had he lost the one thing he held so closely to his heart, but he had changed _her _life. When he'd gone into that house, when he'd closed the door, he wasn't thinking of the consequences. He wasn't thinking about how it would affect his life after the fact. The thought never even crossed his mind on how it would impact Sara's life.

Now, looking back, he couldn't even believe that he was the one that had done everything. That _he _was the one that had slept with another woman and had cheated on Sara, the only one he'd ever truly loved. While remembering everything that happened it was like he was watching a movie. Watching someone else's actions, someone else's unforgivable choice.

Warrick was right. What was going to happen with their jobs? Surely after tonight they couldn't work together. But he couldn't ask Sara to leave. It was his mistake. His screw up. He knew that. And he surely wasn't going to make her take the fall for it.

It one single night he'd lost so much. The love of his life. His friends. His job. All because of one spur of the moment, monumental mistake.

The sun was now shining high above the mountains. The evidence of the storm only hours ago was gone. It would be nice if life was like that. A storm would swoop in suddenly but then in a few hours the sun would be shining and everything would be fine. If only it were that easy.

"You ready to head back?" Greg asked.

His voice sounded odd and out of place as he broke the silence they'd been sitting in for quite some time now. After Greg's so called speech, Sara's mood had brightened a bit but she still looked tired and distressed.

"Yeah, sure. I'm sure that Catherine and guys are wondering where we are." Sara said, looking out the window as Greg started the car.

"We don't have to go if you don't want too." He said.

"No...We should get back. I need to figure out where I'll be staying and what's going on with..." Sara trailed off.

"I know." Greg said quickly.

He was treading in uncharted waters here and he didn't want to end up drowning, and he surely didn't want to bring Sara with him. Trying to be as careful as possible without seeming _too _nice. Knowing Sara and who she was as a person, if she found out he was going easy on her, he'd be in for it. One thing Sara hated with a passion, was pity. At least when the person being pitied, was her.

"I uh, I don't mean to put you on the spot but what are you going to do?"

"Find a taser gun and then go get Grissom." Sara said with a straight face.

Greg's mouth hung open and he had to swerve on the road to keep from running into a tree.

Sara laughed. "Greg, you are _to__o_easy."

The four close friends sat around the table in a stunned silence. Had they suddenly been thrust into some sick reality show, where they were the only ones _not _in on the joke? Were Grissom and Sara off together somewhere laughing at how they'd played their friends just right? Deep down, they all wished that were true. But it wasn't.

"Grissom have an evil twin we didn't know about or something?" Brass said, trying to lighten the mood but insufficiently.

"It'd be nice, wouldn't it?" Nick said.

Warrick sighed, shaking his head. "Hmm, yeah."

The silence fell heavily around them again. What were they supposed to do? It's not like the lab had some secret time machine hidden in the basement, where they could just go flip a switch and stop Grissom from ruining both his and Sara's lives. But alas, there was no time machine and there was not possible way to fix this. What's been done, had been done. There was no taking it back. The only thing they could do was deal with the aftermath.

"What are you thinkin, Cath?" Nick asked, wondering why she'd be so quiet.

She ran her fingers through her hair. "Wondering what she's going to do."

"Yeah." Nick said softly, staring at the table.

That was something that was on all of their minds. Warrick's question of what would happen with Sara and Grissom's job's had gotten them all thinking. Trying to come up with ways to make it work; but each scenario ended the same way. Grissom and Sara couldn't possibly still work together without having to deal with each other in some capacity. But after this disaster, they were sure neither would be willing to be in the same room together, let alone work ten hour cases side by side.

"Any one talked to Ecklie about this?" Warrick asked, not wanting to even think about bring Ecklie into the mix but knowing that it had to be done at some point or another.

"Yeah...Yeah, I told him what was going on." Brass said.

"What did he say?" Nick asked.

"That he'd have to hear it from Gil before he did anything."

"What's he gonna _do_ about it?" Warrick said.

Catherine cut in. "Let's not worry about him right now. We have a bigger problem at hand. Where Sara will be staying and all that. I can go to Grissom and Sara's place and pick up a few things for her so she doesn't have to deal with the possibility of seeing him there. Once Greg and Sara get back we can ask her who she wants to stay with. I don't know about all of you, but I want Sara to be a comfortable as possible. Dealing with something like this is not only emotionally draining but also physically."

"Yeah. When she was in the parking lot she didn't look good at all." Nick said.

"I uh, I gotta go get some fresh air or something. I just need to get out of here." Warrick said getting up.

"I'll go with you. Cath, call us when she gets back okay?"

"Sure thing, Nick."

Brass looked across the table at Catherine. "I should have know, Catherine. I should have seen it and stopped him. I saw the way he looked at her. Damn it."

"Jim, there is no way you could have known. I mean it's Gil we're talking about! The guy who loves bugs, who would rather spend time with is pet tarantula then be around people. Who in a million years would have thought _this _would happen. Don't blame yourself for his own stupidity."

"You didn't see the look in his eye."

"You're right, I didn't. But if I'd asked you last week if you thought Gil was capable of cheating, on Sara no less, the woman he's loved for _years, _what would you have said to me?"

He sighed. "I'd tell you that you're out of your mind."

"Exactly. _None _of us could have known. There's just no way."

Brass looked over his shoulder, making sure no one was in ear shot of them. "You know Ecklie is gonna try and make Sara leave right?"

She shook her head. "That's what I'm afraid of."

"There's no way he'd make Gil transfer, so that means it'll be Sara."

"God, Jim. How did it come to this?"

"That is a hell of a good question."

'Dear Sara,

You know expressing my emotion is not my strongest point. But please, bare with me as I try. You've known me for many years, so by now you know that my actions regarding the events earlier were-'

Grissom tore the paper of and threw it at his feet. He twirled the pen between his fingers, trying to think of the right words to express the tangle of emotions inside.

'Dear Sara,

Emotion is clearly not my strong point. By now you surely know it is my weakest. So please, as you read this, keep that in mind. I cannot explain the reason for my actions, but I will do my best to explain them to you.

What I did has never happened before. I want you to know that. This was the first time that I've done something like this. Never before have I ever looked at another woman that way when I was with you.

Until now. I am sure you don't want to hear any of this, and I can not blame you. But I want you to understand that this had nothing to do with you. My actions were my own and mine alone.

Amy. That's her name. I was on the case with Jim. A man was hit and killed by a drunk driver. I went with Jim to make the notification. The man that was killed was Amy's brother. When I saw her I suddenly had a feeling of connection. Of understanding.

You know what it's like, Sara. Out of anyone on the team, you, out of all of them, understand empathy. The sudden urge to comfort. To make everything okay. To fix things that are broken.

That feeling came over me like I've never felt before. Suddenly, I needed to be there for her.

When you came and asked me out for lunch you could tell something was wrong. I tried to hide it but you know me to well. Luckily, you did as I had hoped. Your dropped it and left. Once the words, the lies, had left my mouth I was overcome with guilt. I'd lied to you.

I found her address and made my way there. She invited me inside and we talked. We talked for hours. About everything. It was like I wasn't in my own body. As if I couldn't control my own actions. The words fell from my mouth without second thought. My body moved on it's own accord.

As you know, one thing led to another. And another.

Sorry does not suffice. I know that it never will. I have no reason for my actions. No real explanation. I'm not asking you for forgiveness, but I am asking you for understanding. I know even that is a lot because even I don't fully understand my behavior.

I'm not looking for sympathy or trying to degrade what you're going through. Honestly right now I don't know who I am. What I've become. I'm sure you've been asking yourself those same questions.

Please know that this is in no way your fault. I don't want you to be burdened with guilt. Although I'm not saying that you _are _feeling guilt...This is what I mean, Sara. I have something I want to say but the words come out with two meanings. And that's not what I want.

Sara. No matter what happens or doesn't happen between us.

I love you.

Gil'


	13. Chapter 13

_Hey sorry this ud is a little late. Things at home haven't exactly been the greatest. But luckily my dad is home after being in the hospital for 3 weeks. Now it's just getting used to having him at home and all the extra stuff that goes with it. *sigh* Alas you don't need to hear about it...Thanks for all the wonderful reviews last chapter! Do you think I could get 10 reviews for this one?!? ;) Thanks to Addy and her help with this. Anyhoo I think that is it. Next ud next week sometime! New CSI tonight then off to the midnight showing of New Moon!! Haha yes I am a BIG Twilight fan :D lol _

_Enjoy! :)_

_Oh one more thing, sorry this chapter is a little short :/_

Chapter 13 "If That Wasn't Love" In Between By Linkin Park

Warrick and Nick stood outside the lab; letting the sun touch their faces with warmth. But the shining sun did not seem to match their moods; it should be dark. Cold. Empty. Not bright and cheerful. It somehow felt wrong.

"What's gonna happen, Nick?"

He turned to look at his best friend, who he'd known for years. Nick saw the look of anger on Warrick's face. A look of anguish. He truly wished he could answer that question. Bring comfort to the distress that was surely eating away at the man that stood beside him.

"We trusted him, man. I looked up to him, but now...Now I don't know." As Warrick spoke, it seemed as if the anger began to fade and was replaced by disappointment and sorrow.

"I know, Rick. I know."

"He loved her. I mean, truthfully, I've never seen a guy in love like Griss was with Sara." Warrick said, almost smiling at the happy memory. "He'd walk into the room where she was and it was like a light was flipped on. They glowed, Nick. You could see it in there eyes. If that isn't love I don't know what is."

"You mean 'was'." Nick said, his voice flat.

Warrick turned to look at him. "What?"

"You mean 'If that _wasn't _love'."

"Yeah...Yeah, I guess your right."

* * *

Grissom walked into his so called home. Although right now it just seemed to remind him of what he'd done. Everywhere he turned he would see a picture of them together. Smiling. Laughing. In love. He throat tightened and he had too look away.

Making his way up the stairs to the bedroom he couldn't help but start to question his decision. While writing the letter to Sara, it had seemed like the right thing to do. But now...His heart told him one thing and his mind another. People always say to listen to your heart, so that is what he would do.

He placed the letter on Sara's nightstand along with another letter he'd written. Taking one last look around the room he knew he had to do it. Nothing could change his mind now. Well, one thing could. But that would involve Sara saying she forgave him and that they would work things out. He knew it would be a long time if ever for that to happen. And so he took the suitcase out of the closet.

There was truly no going back now.

* * *

Greg saw Warrick and Nick looking forlorn as they stood outside the lab. He turned to look at Sara in the passenger seat beside him. Somewhere on the way back to the lab she'd fallen asleep; which she surely needed. He thought she looked exceptionally peaceful. If only she could stay like that.

Pulling into his normal spot Greg got out as quietly as possible, trying his best not to wake her. Closing the door softly behind him, he walked over to where Nick and Warrick stood. Both gave him a questioning look when Sara did not appear with him.

"Hey, she uh, fell asleep on the way back. Figured I'd let her rest for a while. Truth be told I need some sleep too." He said, looking worse then both Warrick and Nick felt.

"Yeah, I bet she's exhausted." Nick said as he held back a yawn.

"We all are." Greg said smiling a little.

* * *

Her feet carried her down the hallways of the lab; she didn't know where she was going so she just walked. It felt cold and the darkness seemed to creep around her. The silence rang in her ears as she pressed on. With each step she took her destination seemed to fade farther and farther away. But still, she walked.

She looked all around her but not a soul was in sight. Growing tired and thirsty she wanted to stop; to rest. But her legs kept moving. Then she heard him. _His _voice. It was calling her name. He sounded far away. She quickened her pace, breaking into a run. She had to find him.

Looking down every corridor but to no avail. His voice grew louder, calling out her name. Telling her to come to him. She ran faster; harder. Her breathe was coming faster and faster.

Finally she saw it; an open door. As she grew closer to it, his voice got louder. This had to be it. She slowed down when she was standing just outside the door. As she looked in she saw him, just sitting there. He smiled at her. That sweet, shy smile that she fell in love with. Whenever he smiled at her like she could help but smile herself.

"I love you."

She could hear his voice but his lips didn't move.

"I love you, Sara."

Again she watched him, but he didn't move. He just sat there, looking at her. The smile on her lips began to go away as she looked at him. She tried to move closer but her feet wouldn't move.

"I love you."

She watched him begin to fade away before her eyes. She tried to scream out to him but she couldn't. She opened her mouth again but now sound came out. She started to panic. Looking at the place where he had been her heart began to beat faster. He wasn't there. Nothing was there.

Darkness began to flood around her. Her eyes were open but she couldn't see a thing. Frantically, she tried to move but her body wouldn't budge. She tried to scream, but still nothing would come out.

* * *

Sara woke with a start. Her heart was beating hard and her breathing was erratic. She looked around her and let out a sigh of relief when she realized where she was.

'It was just a dream. Get a hold of yourself.' She thought to herself.

After taking a few deep breathes her heart rate was starting to return to normal. Although the pain inside her heart seemed to be more intense. She couldn't help it when the tears formed in her eyes for the countless time in only a matter of hours.

_Please review!!_


	14. Chapter 14

_Hey, so sorry for the wait. Life has been...well, it kinda sucks. Found out my dad's not coming home from the hospital at all now so yeah. Pretty much sucks all around. I'm almost done with chapter 15 but that's about all I have writen. I'm really gonna try and crack down and get some more writing in this week but I also have some family visiting. Pluse school. And life. Eesh...Hope you all had a good thanksgiving. Again really sorry for the wait but thanks for sticking with me. _

_Kj_

Chapter 14 "48 Hours" The Great Escape by Patrick Watson

The silence seemed so loud as he sat alone in the car. His hands gripped the wheel as if his life depended on it. He was never a man to show his emotions, whether they were good or bad, happy or sad. But now, as he sat there, he could not help it as the tears welled up in his eyes.

He couldn't even remember the last time he'd cried. Even as a boy he wouldn't cry often. His mother looked to him to be strong and to be her should to cry on, so he would never let her see him cry if he could help it.

He turned on the radio. _Anything _to break the silence. _Anything _to block out the sound of his own breathing.

Suddenly it was as if someone had pressed 'play' and the world around him came to life. The lights of Vegas seemed to grow brighter and the sound of planes flying above him grew louder. He was sucked out of his dreaming and brought back in the realm of reality.

Getting out of the car he grabbed his two suitcases from the back, then closed and locked the doors. He took one last look around him. Breathing in the air. He was doing the right thing. Wasn't he?

Grissom shook his head. Right thing or not ,he had to do it and he was going to. He made his way into the airport. Luckily it was quite slow for that time of day so he wasn't standing around long enough to even begin to consider changing his mind.

When he took the step closer to the teller it was like everything became unbelievably real. This really was happening.

"Where to, sir?" The receptionist asked.

And that was it. That thought he'd been avoiding since he made the decision.

"Sir?"

* * *

Sara checked her appearance in the rearview mirror. She looked like crap but of course there was nothing she could do about it now. Her eyes, if it were even possible, had become more red and puffy then they'd been before. Her hair was tangled, frizzy and beyond help. And the dark circles around her eyes were, you guessed it, darker.

There was no use in dwelling over things that could not be fixed, so she took the lip gloss out of her pocket and put a little on. When all else fails, fix the things you can.

Sara got out of the car and instantly felt six eyes staring her down. She tried to act like she hadn't noticed and kept her eyes on the ground as she made her way over to them. Awkward silence engulfed the four of them.

Greg looked at anything _but _one of them. Nick kept glancing at Sara. Warrick was staring at Nick, trying to give him silent clues to tell him to make the first move. And Sara just looked at her shoes, thinking that it was odd that she'd never realized how many holes were in them.

They stood like that for a few minutes. Letting the Las Vegas sun beat down their backs until Sara finally spoke up. "Well uh I'm gonna head in and tell Cath I'm back. She's probably getting ready to bring out the SWAT team or something."

They all laughed a little at the joke but somehow laughing sounded out of place. Like it didn't belong.

"I'll call you later, kay Sara?" Nick said as she retreated into the lab.

"Sure. See you later." Sara said as she smiled at them.

She kept her head down as she walked though the doors of the lab. People were trying hard not to stare at her but she still felt their eyes penetrating into her soul. Picking up her pace, she prayed that she would find Catherine soon so she could get out of here.

Sure enough her prayers were answered when she saw Catherine head into the break room, so she followed.

"Hey." Sara said softly.

Catherine turned around. When she saw Sara she smiled warmly at her. "Hey."

"So you didn't send out the SWAT team for me, did you?" She said, trying to break the ice a little so Catherine would know she didn't have to tread lightly with her.

Her smile grew at Sara's comment. "No, but I do have to say I was getting a bit worried."

"Yeah, sorry about that. Greg and I, well mostly me, but I just got talking and then couldn't really shut up. But I really didn't mean to be away for that long."

"Don't worry about it, Sara. I'm sure it was good for you talk about things with him. Greg's pretty worried about you know?"

"Heh yeah, I kinda picked up on that. I honestly never knew Greg could be so serious." Sara said.

"You want a cup?" Catherine asked, motioning to the coffee pot beside her.

"Most definitely I think I'm going on 48 hours without sleep."

Catherine sighed as she handed Sara a cup of steaming coffee. "You really need to rest."

"No kidding." The moment the words passed through her lips, she regetted them. "I-I didn't mean that, Cath. It's just-"

"Sara, before you say anything else, stop. You have nothing to be sorry for. You said yourself you've been up for almost 48 hours now and you've been put through an emotional hell. If you weren't a little snappy, then I'd be concerned."

She laughed a little but didn't say anything.

"You wanna talk?" Catherine asked.

"Do you mind?" Sara said hesitantly. She did have things she wanted to talk about but she also felt bad because it wasn't Catherine job to listen to her. In fact it wasn't anyone's job. These were her problems and she was the only one who could deal with them. Although getting them out in the open somehow always seemed to help.

"Sara, if you need to talk, I'll listen. No matter what."

"But it's just-I don't want to burden you with my problems. It feels like I'm weighing you down and that's the last thing I want to do. I really to hate to put you in a situation like this."

"Hello! I am your friend, Sara. I don't care about that stuff."

"Yeah, but that doesn't stop me from feeling guilty about it."

Catherine gave her and exasperated look and Sara smiled weakly at her. "Okay, can you just forget about me for a while and please just talk? You can't keep this stuff inside Sara. It's going to eat away at you."

Sara bit her lip and sighed. "Alright."

* * *

Grissom sat on the plane, feeling nervous and somewhat excited. In the past 48 hours he had taken more risks then in all of his life. He'd also done some of the stupidest things too.

He looked at his watch. Sara might be going home soon. And then she would find it. He wondered how she would react. If she would be happy that he was gone, or even more angry at him for leaving. Whatever happens, happens. He couldn't change it now.

And so he sat back and looked out the window as the plane flew over the vast sea. There literally _was _no going back now. And so as the time passed the farther and farther he got away from Vegas. From bad choices. From mistakes. From broken hearts. From lost love.

And the closer he got to his destination. He didn't know why he picked it. It just seemed like a good place to go. Someplace different. So he made his way to Australia.

_Soo tell me what you think! Please, please review! Thanks a bunch_


	15. Chapter 15

_I'm so sorry for this chapter taking so long. Life just sucks right now. There's really no other way to say. My dad's stable right now but he is declining, so I'm honestly not sure when the next update will be. I have some of the next chapter writtenso. I'll have two weeks off from school so hopefully I can get a bit of writing in then. My best friend Addy, beta read this chapter for me and she said that while she was reading it was like she was reading about me. Like I was speaking through Sara. And I am. It's odd because my life and what Sara's going through are just so different and yet, some feelings are the same. There are just things in life that you cannot prepare yourself for. Be it being cheated on by someone you love dearly or by knowing that this is the last Christmas you'll have with your dad and you're only 17. And what's worse is knowing that you will never get over it. Life will just keep going on. It'll keep moving no matter how much you beg for it to stop...Well i'm shutting up now so you all can get on with the reading. Again I apologize for taking so long to update. Please let me know what you think. _

_Enjoy_

Chapter 15 "Gone" Lonely Girl by Pink

When Sara had finally agreed to talk to her, Catherine decided to take her out for a dink. That was one good thing about Vegas, no mater what time of day it was, there were always a few bars open.

"How do you get over something like this, Cath?" Sara asked as she took another sip of her beer.

Catherine shook her head. "You don't. It's always going to be a part of you. You can't run from it. You can't from hide it. It's just _there_. If you can get past the fact that it's gonna stay there for good, then you're on the right track."

"And what if you _don't_ get past it?"

Catherine shrugged sympathetically, "Then you're screwed."

Sara sighed. "Great."

"You'll get through it Sara. You're strong and independent. You've got three guys that love and care about you, and that are watching out for you. Plus me _and_ Brass. And you know we all carry guns so..." Catherine said smiling.

Sara couldn't help but laugh a little at that. "Very true."

The two sat in silence for a little while just enjoying their drinks.

"I'm just so tired you know? Emotionally _and_physically. I think I've come to the point were I just don't care. I'm just talking about Grissom and tonight. I mean in general; Words, actions, and incidents still affect me but not nearly as much as they should.

On this job you see death everyday, like it's nothing. I know that it's a part of life, everyone _has _to die sometime. But some of them are just kids. And Gil, he was just the cherry on top. I know that I should_ hurt_, feel pain, anger, anything. Yet, I just have this feeling of nothingness. Everything is just blank. The things I see and hear should make me want to cry. But no, I sit here solemnly. Not saying a word.

Then it's like I suddenly notice that I _want_ to feel pain. Something so that I know it's real. So I know I'm still living, breathing, that I have a heart that is beating inside my chest. And then I have to ask myself, what kind of person have I become; someone who needs to feel pain in order for feel real?

Talking to friends and stuff you know, I laugh and smile, and I really do have a good time. But under that smile there's just _nothing_. It's just...empty. Then the thought occurs to me; how can I be really and truly happy at times and yet still feel so lifeless? Sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder if I'm still alive, ya know? Because there's just nothing there.

As each day passes, even if it was a fairly good day, I feel drained. Then I wake up the next morning and go through the motions all over again, like I'm on auto pilot or something. Some days affect me more then most. I feel worse then I really should.

I end up crying myself to sleep at night. And for me to cry then it's gotta be pretty bad. My mind racing from one thing to the next, until finally the tears come. And I cry and _cry_ until there is nothing left. I fall asleep and wake up as if nothing ever happened.

Every once in a while I get a glimpse of how life used to be, you know when I was actually happy. Just thinking about it feels like a dream. Like a memory that isn't really there. But then I close my eyes and the moment is gone. And I'm thrust back into the black hole that is now known as life.

It seems as if every good thing I have to look forward to begins to fade away. Either it ends up never happening or if it does something will happen after that is far from good. Look at me now! Here I am, drinking because the man I loved with my whole heart and soul, _cheated _on me. What a way to go right?

Somehow in my life the bad things always seem to overshadow the good. I try to look on the bright side of things, to look for the light in the heavy darkness, but after a while I get tired of looking. Because for _every_ good thing that happens there is something _much, much_ worse that follows. If it's not one thing, it's another. I'm beginning to learn how very true that statement is.

And so every day is just a big question mark, right? If today will be good what darkness will follow? If today will be bad will tomorrow be worse? If this week was horrible, what will the next bring?

I'm just sitting here and my mind won't stop racing. Where does life go from here? What am I gonna do about my job, cause I sure as _hell _will not be working side by side with him. You know, do I move? Do I quit my job? We have a place together...I can't go back to that but then again I can't just leave _everything_. What happens when-"

"Sara." Catherine said gently. Her heart breaking as she saw the young woman falling to peices in front of her.

"What?" Sara said as she fought back tears.

"I know this sounds like an impossible thing to do right now, but you need to relax. You're going to make yourself sick if you keep thinking of the "what if's". And I know you'll think this is a complete lie too, but things will get better. You just take it a day at a time and if that's to much then you just take it hour by hour.

And if the job is to much right now or if you don't think you can work with _him _then you don't quit. Do not let him take that away from you. You take a vacation because God knows you haven't taken one in years." Catherine said smiling a little. "And you just get away for a while. It might not feel like the right thing to do right now but ya know what, there is no _right _thing to do right now."

She looked at Sara, hoping her words had made some impact on her. But she just kept staring at the bottom of the empty glass.

"Life sucks right now, and it may get worse, but then again it may get better. Things _will _be different though. You'll look back at this someday and say "I never needed him in my life and I'm better off without him." And because of this you will be stronger. Did you know that you are the strongest woman I know? I'm serious too.

You are damn good at your job, Sara. You stand up for what you believe in. You fight for the truth. And you don't back down. You know if I was in your shoes right now I wouldn't even be sitting here. I'd be out burning every picture of him. But-"

"I still love him."

Sara's words caught her off guard.

"I-I still _love _him." Sara spoke the words again, this time with more meaning and passion behind them.

Catherine took a moment to gather her thoughts before responding. "Then you love him...Maybe over time that will go away or maybe it'll stay there. But it's not _wrong _to love him, Sara. He was a big part of your life and I'm not going to lie to you, but there's going to be a hole missing and you're not going to be able to fill it for a long time."

"I think that's what scares me."

"Why does it scare you?"

"Because I can love a man who cheated on me. I'm-I'm not really scared _because _I love him, but I'm scared of what it makes me."

"It makes you human. We screw up. We make mistakes. We fall in love with the wrong guy. We judge people. We do things we shouldn't. It's life. And you know, sometimes you just gotta live it. You have to suck it up and bear the load. I'm not saying you have to act like everything's peaches and cream but you just have to keep going."

"Does the pain ever go away?" Sara asked, her voice almost childlike.

"No...No, it doesn't."

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while. Nothing else needed to be said. Catherine felt better knowing that Sara was on the right track to getting better, because the first step was being honest with yourself and what you feel. She was happy because it felt like she might have made some small difference in Sara's life. Even though nothing had really changed yet.

"I think I'm ready to get out of here." Sara said after a while.

"Sure thing." Catherine said as she got up to pay for their drinks. "Where do you want to go now?"

Sara didn't answer for a while. She'd been at the lab too much already and she didn't feel like having more people stare at her with pity. That only left home. But it was _their _home together. It was a step they had taken together. And was she really ready to risk the chance that he might be there. Although she highly doubted that he would have the courage to be there after all of this.

"I wanna go home." Sara blurted out. If she didn't do it now then she might not ever be able too.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep."

"Alright then." Cath said as she pulled out of the parking lot.

They pulled up in front of house about 20 minutes later, Sara's heart beating fast with anticipation. But luckily Grissom's car was no where in sight. Her heart rate slowed down but the anxiety she felt inside grew immensely.

"You want me to go in with you?"

"I wouldn't dream of doing it alone." Sara said, her eyes fixated on the front door.

Walking up the pathway seemed like miles to Sara. Once they reached the door she pulled her keys out of her pocket. Sara pushed the key in but didn't turn it. Catherine stood patiently at her side.

Sara took a few deep breathes and closed her eyes as she unlocked the door. She didn't know why she was so nervous. She already knew he wasn't inside. But the memories were. Memories of candle lit dinners, of laughter, talking about secrets, about love. "I can do this." Sara whispered to herself as she pushed open the door.

The house was silent and calm. Light was shining through the windows. Sara heard Hank barking at the back door, waiting to come in. She bit her bottom lip as she walked inside. It was like she was seeing things for the first time. Pictures of the two of them together were scattered about the house. They looked so happy. So in love.

"I'm uh, gonna go let Hank in okay?" Catherine said.

But Sara wasn't even paying attention to her anymore. Something was...off. The house just felt _different._ Sara walked towards the bedroom. There just seemed to be something about the room that was calling to her.

The sight before her eyes hit her like a brick in the chest. Everything of _his _was gone. G. O. N. E. Gone. There was no trace of him. His clothes. His books. All his belongings. It was like he was never even there.

Sara felt like she'd been hit by a train. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. She couldn't even start to process everything. She felt her legs go weak. Exhaustion taking it's effect on her. She backed up against the wall. Needing something to support her. She slowly slid down to the floor.

Her eyes were staring wide at an envelope on her night stand. It seemed as if it had a flashing sign on it saying "_Read me_". But she didn't know if she could. She could see his handwriting on the front. Her heart beat faster. Could she really stand reading it? Could she face the words that seemed to be taunting her from behind that piece of paper?

Could she put her heart through _more _pain?

_Please review! They bring a little sunshine to my stormy day! :)_


	16. Chapter 16

_Hey everyone. Chapter 16 is finally here! Yay! Thanks so much to my beta and best friend Addy =) Life is still crazy as hell and I haven't even started chap. 17 yet so with Christmas in a few days and well just life it may be a while before I can get the next chapter up and running. But please stick with the story. I promise I won't quit on you...Hope you all have a good holiday! _

_Enjoy_

Chapter 16 "Love, Rain and Trust" Beauty From Pain by Superchick

Sara felt like she was watching a movie of herself. She couldn't feel anything as she stood up and walked over to the letter that could possibly change her life forever. Not that her life hadn't been changed drastically already.

Her hands shook with anticipation and fear as she picked it up. Grissom's hand writing always seemed so elegant. But now the words etched on paper looked so daunting. Like they were mocking her. She felt sick to her stomach as she sat down on the bed. Her head throbbed with every beat of her heart. She slowly unfolded the paper and read.

Her eyes sped over every word. Every sentence. Every detail.

_'What I did has never happened before. I want you to know that.... But I want you to understand that this had nothing to do with you. My actions were my own and mine alone.... _

_Amy...That's her name... _

_When I saw her I suddenly had a feeling of connection... To make everything okay. To fix things that are broken... That feeling came over me like I've never felt before. Suddenly, I needed to be there for her... _

_I was overcome with guilt. I'd lied to you..._

_As you know, one thing led to another. And another... I'm not asking you for forgiveness, but I am asking you for understanding... I'm not looking for sympathy or trying to degrade what you're going through. Honestly right now I don't know who I am. What I've become... _

_Sara. No matter what happens or doesn't happen between us... _

_I love you.'_

If her loved her like he said he did, how could he have possibly hurt her in such a terrible way? She angrily wiped tears away as she picked up another piece of paper that had fallen out of the envelope. She wasn't sure if her heart could take what was written on it, but it would hurt much more if she _didn't _know.

_"Sara if you are reading this then that means that I am gone. I can honestly say that I don't know were I'm going. But I have to go. I'm not running away from you, or the situation at hand, although I'm sure it seems like I am. I'm only trying to make things slightly easier for you. Not that my leaving is the least bit easy._

_You can continue working without my interference. And you don't have to worry about the housing situation. I'm sure that this is not a good way to be dealing with things, but then again is there a right way? _

_I will send a forwarding address to the lab once I know where I'm headed. I won't be gone long, but if I do come back I'm sure that it won't be for good. Just so we can get things sorted out. _

_I am sure you've read the letter by now. I truly mean every word of it. I still love you. With every beat of my heart. Surely, you hate me right now and want nothing to do with me, so I will end here. I never knew that I was capable of hurting someone in the way that I have hurt you. 1,000 sorry's will not begin to express a small fraction of how horrible I feel. _

_I will never stop loving you, Sara. You will always hold my heart. _

_Sincerely yours,_

_Gilbert Grissom"_

She couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. She just kept staring at the letter in her hand. It couldn't be real. It was fake. It just had too be. He wouldn't just _leave_. Would he? She was still mad as hell with him, but now it was like something had been ripped out of her. There were so many emotions running through her body she couldn't tell one from the other.

Sara heard a soft knock at the door but she couldn't turn to face it. Tears streamed down her face for what felt like the thousandth time. She hated it when she cried. When she was young she used to fear that they wouldn't stop. That they would just keep streaming down her face forever. Crying was a sign of weakness. It was looked upon with pity. That's what she hated most.

"Sara?" Catherine watched as Sara sat unmoving on the edge of the bed. "Are you okay?"

The letter felt like it was burning in her hand. She wanted so desperately to let it go but she couldn't. She knew that Catherine deserved and answer, but how could she tell her? Saying it aloud could only make it more real. And right now she was sure she couldn't handle that.

"I-I can't do this...I'm sorry."

She stood up, the letter falling from her hands. Sara couldn't look Catherine in the eye as she walked swiftly past her. Taking the stairs two at a time, it was like she couldn't get out of there fast enough. Everywhere she turned she saw him. She grabbed her jacket and keys, not even bothering to close the door as she left.

As soon as her feet hit the pavement she ran. She ran hard and fast. Nothing was chasing her, and yet she had so many things to be running from.

* * *

Catherine stood in the empty bedroom for a moment before she walked over and picked up the piece of paper that had fallen from Sara's lap. She looked at it and instantly recognized Grissom's hand writing. Her eyes skimmed over the page quickly. She couldn't believe the words she read. He _left_? Without so much as a goodbye, he was just gone?

She couldn't even begin to imagine what Sara must be going through right now. What thoughts were surely going through her head.

"What the _hell _are you thinking, Gil?"

* * *

The sky above her had grown dark with rain clouds. The storm was back. Much like it was in her life. Her body screamed at her to stop and rest, but she kept running. The lack of food, sleep and the emotional hell she'd been through was starting to take it's tole. She wanted so badly to just curl up, go to sleep and never wake up again. But her feet wouldn't stop.

She pulled the jacket tighter around her and finally began to slow down. The coldness beginning to creep into her skin. She breathed in and the cold, stormy air filled her lungs. The first few rain drops began to fall. She knew the smart thing to do would be to turn around now and head back. But she couldn't. She could not face the truth now. She needed time to process everything that had just happened.

She needed to analyze her life. Figure out where she was, how she'd gotten there and where to go next. And she could not do that at home. Not with so many reminders of him surrounding her.

The rain began fall harder and quicker. She stopped and closed her eyes, letting the rain fall over her. She wanted so badly to be washed away in it. To let everything just drift off into the abyss. All the things that she was holding inside. She wanted to let go of everything that she was to afraid to admit to herself.

She that thought that it must look so strange, her just standing there. But she didn't care. She'd always loved the rain. The smell. The way it felt as rain drops hit her skin. Just the thought that the water was so pure and fresh.

It felt so odd knowing that only moments ago she'd been overwhelmed by different emotions but now an eerie calm seemed to have settled over her. She was thinking clearly and logically. As if she was looking at her life through the eyes of someone else. Someone who could look at the situation at hand and come up with a rational decision on what to do.

Grissom was gone. There was no changing that. She had to move and get past that. Their relationship was over. He still loved her, at least he'd said he did. And somewhere in her heart she knew she loved him too. The love had stayed but the trust had been shattered. Years of trust had fallen apart in a single second. Their relationship had been complicated before but now it was just beyond reason.

That was the only way she could explain it. Their love for each other was just as strong as it had been before, but now the assurance of trust was gone. And Sara wasn't sure if they could ever get that back.

On the job it was easy, you learn to trust your partner with your life and they trust you with theirs. But with love you trust one single person with your whole heart. And one mistake can send your world spinning out of control. It's something you don't simply recover from. You're scared forever. There's no changing that.

* * *

You go through life always thinking that it won't happen to you. You watch as it happens to other people and you can believe it. You can take, you can cope. But when it happens to you...It's different.

There are things you should say, but you can't. Emotions you think you should be feeling, but you aren't. And then you wonder what kind of horrible person you are because you don't feel anything now. Everything feels so redundant. You think the same things over and over again. You say the same thing so many times. But to you, it never gets old. So then you just stop talking, because who wants to listen to a broken record?

Words don't seem to be enough. They don't come close. The things you feel are not the least bit expressible. You feel how you feel and you can't change it, even when you think you should. Life will go on without you. You can't stop it. No matter how much you beg, you pray. Time continues. And you have to go with it. If you feel like it or not. One thing after another, you just keep getting shot down. Again and again. You want nothing more then to have a break from it all. Just a break from life.

But it's not exactly like you can just stop living. Well, you can, but that's not who you are. You've seen the life fade from people before your eyes so how could you possibly ever take your own? Life is a gift. Even when it sucks. Even when you're past your breaking point and on the edge of sanity. You live. You love. You cry. You laugh. You smile. You scream.

And yet through it all, you keep going. You're not even sure what's at the end, but something in you makes you put one foot in front of the other. That thing that makes you get out of bed in the morning. It's something that's unexplainable. Something deep down in your soul, in your core. That feeling of knowing that the tears will stop. That the pain will end.

Even when it seems like life can't get any worse, that _thing _inside that tells you it will pass. And you believe it. Not only because you are desperate for just one little ounce of hope, but because you just _know_ that it is true.

When darkness closes in and all you have is one small candle of light. You can hear your heart beat in the deadly silence, but you feel nothing. You're cold. Lifeless. You try and try to keep things together but you can feel yourself slip away. After a while all you can feel is the pain. You smile but it feels fake. You laugh but it sounds different.

Happiness is only a memory now. All you can hope for is to make it through the day. You wonder how God could do this to you. How He could put you through so much sorrow and agony. You don't understand why it's happened. You just know that is has. But there's something in the back of your mind telling you it's happened for a reason. A reason you can't understand.

There are times when you feel like you've forgotten how to have hope. How to believe that there will be light. That the next day will dawn. But you know in your heart that after everything has passed, you will stand strong. It may not be today, or tomorrow, or next year. But someday, happiness will fall upon you again. And you can smile and really mean it.

And from the pain, there will be beauty.

* * *

_Please review! _


	17. AN

I wanted to let everyone know that I won't be able to update for a while. My dad passed away on January 1st. Hopefully I'll be able to get some writing in next week, this week will just be to crazy. I will continue the story, although it may be slow. This story means a lot to me and I think that finishing it will help.

Kj


	18. Chapter 17

_Hey everyone. So I'm finally back! Sorry for such a long wait but it's just been...well, it been pretty crappy this past month. But writing is something that I'm not giving up on and in a way I think I need it order to keep going. I'm going to start chapter 18 in just a little bit so if all goes well with it, it might be up next week sometime, but we'll see. Thanks for your support and patience. Reading all of the comments I got really helped get through this. I mean, I got 17 comments from people I don't even know and yet what you all said helped me believe that life will get better. Okay so enough of that and on with the reading. Let me know what you think. Enjoy_

Chapter 17 "I'm fine...Really." Let It Go by Blue October

Where do you go when the day is long? And where does your heart beat and who is wrong? Why do I feel this way? Why do I kneel? How could I let it go? Why do I feel? Why?...Follow me home through the maze and on. I'll show you the road that I led you the wrong way on.

Why did I go that way? Why do I steel? How could I let her go? Why do I feel?....Oh why did I go that way? How could I still? Oh how could I? How could I?

_How could I?_

* * *

Two weeks. It had been two long, treacherous weeks since he had left Vegas. He stood out on the balcony of his hotel room watching the sun set. He hadn't heard from Sara, although he hadn't expected too. Catherine had called him a number of times, but he ignored every call. He felt bad enough already and didn't want to hear it all over again from her. He'd talked to Brass once since he'd been there. But it was a short conversation and _unbelievably _awkward.

Grissom felt so alone standing there. Watching the busy people move about below him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breathe. God, what had he done. For two weeks he'd been asking himself that question over and over again. How he could have been so, _so_ stupid? How he could have let this happen? How had it come this far?

No matter how many times he rehashed what had happened in his head, it always turned out the same. He'd been an idiot. He'd hurt the woman he loved and had screwed up everything. And then to top it off, he left. He left the people he loved, his friends, his job. He had so much but was just too blind to see it. And now he had nothing. Nothing but pain, sorrow and anger.

Anger for himself. For letting her go. For being mindless and insensible. There was not an hour that went by that he didn't ask himself why? He felt like he was being so repetitive. But he felt the same feelings, thought the exact same thoughts, asked the same questions, every single day.

He wondered what was wrong with him. Whatever possessed him to do what he had done. He knew that sleeping with Amy had been a mistake. A mistake that he could not take back. That he could not change. It was odd, but he hadn't even thought about how any of this would affect Amy. How she would feel with all of this.

Grissom ran his fingers through his hair. Because of one, split second decision he'd hurt everyone he possibly could. He might as well have just shot them in the heart. But it was a kind of pain that was far worse then any bullet. It was something deeper that ran through every vain in your body. Down to your very core. Your soul. It wasn't something that you could just get over.

It was a wound even time could not heal. There would always be a scar; an unwanted reminder. And now, he had done that to everyone he cared about. He'd given them a scar that could never heal.

* * *

"What's up, Cath?" Warrick asked when he saw his co-worker sitting behind her desk looking worried.

"It's Sara."

"What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"No, no nothing happened. Well something did but nothing bad. But it _is _bad. Ugh." Catherine rolled her eyes and shook her head, giving up.

Warrick smiled sympathetically at her. "You're worried about her."

Catherine sighed. "I mean the girl has barely eaten anything. I don't think she's getting any sleep. She runs around this place like she on auto pilot. And when you talk to her it's like she's listening but it's like she's on some other planet. I tried taking her out last night for a beer but she wouldn't go. Greg's been checking up on her but when ever he goes over to her place she says she's tired and basically kicks him out after fifteen minutes of awkward silence."

"Yeah....I think everyone's noticed her behavior."

"So how do you fix it?"

Warrick shook his head and didn't say anything.

"I tried calling him the other day. He didn't answer."

"Figures...Has anyone tried talking to her about what happened?" Warrick asked.

"Well, I'd like to but I don't want to do it here because I'm afraid she'll break down. But I'm not sure what else to do cause she won't go out anywhere. She's either here or at home."

"She still at their place?"

"No, no. She went back to her apartment." Catherine said.

"I was gonna say. I'm sure it wouldn't be good for her to keep living there with all those reminders off him."

"Then she should get a new job."

Warrick looked at her questionably.

"Everywhere you look here there's some reminder of Griss. Hell I walk past his office everyday and I get pissed as hell every time! Think of what that does to _her._ To have a constant reminder of him staring her in the face everyday."

"Yeah. I'm sure just feeling what she feels is reminder enough."

"We gotta do something, Warrick. She can't keep living like this. It's been two weeks for goodness sake."

"Alright, I'll talk to Nick and Greg and have them meet us here after shift, kay?"

Catherine nodded. "I just hope there's something we can do."

* * *

Sara read over the case file in front of her but she couldn't focus. She got up and a cup of steaming coffee. Leaning back against the counter, she closed her eyes for a moment.

"You okay?"

She looked up to see a worried Greg watching her. "Just uh, got a bad headache is all."

"Sara...Your hands are shaking."

She glanced down, sure enough the liquid was splashing around in the cup. She set it down quickly. "Oh....Uh yeah, guess they are."

Greg's concern grew immensely. "Do you want to sit down?"

"No. I uh- I'm fine. Could you tell Cath that I need to take the rest of the night off?"

"Yeah, sure. But Sara, at least let me give you a ride home. You don't look so good."

"I'm fine. Really."

"Sara, you are not _fine_. You're pale, your hands are shaking...Truthfully, you look like crap." Greg said, hoping to get a smile or some snide remark.

But not even a flicker of annoyance crossed her face. "Greg, I just want to go-"

"Sara?" He said taking a step closer to her.

"I uh- I think I do need to sit down."

Greg rushed over and took her by the arm, leading her to the couch in the corner of the break room. "I'll get you some water."

Sara squeezed her eyes shut, hoping it would make the room stop spinning. Her head throbbed even more and she felt like she could get sick.

"Here you go." Greg said, placing a water bottle in her hand.

She took a few deep breathes and drank the water. Her head still hurt like hell but at least now she didn't feel like she was stuck on a Disneyland ride from hell.

Just then Catherine and Warrick came in. Seeing Sara, pale and shaky and a very concerned looking Greg sitting next to her, instantly had them worried.

"What's goin on?" Warrick asked.

Sara sighed, frustrated from all the unwanted attention. "I'm fine. I just have a bad headache is all."

"I think she almost passed out." Greg said softly, knowing Sara was none to happy.

"Sara!" Catherine said, her maternal instincts kicking in.

"You feeling better now?"

"Yeah, Warrick. Like I told Greg, I'm _fine_. A headache is all."

"Almost passing out is not _fine _Sara! It's the exact opposite of fine. When was the last time you ate?"

Sara felt bad enough already and she surely didn't need Catherine lecturing her on how to take of herself. She was a grown woman for goodness sakes and could handle her own. "I'm not some suspect you can interrogate, Catherine. You think I haven't noticed all of you watching me? Because I _have_. How you haven't sent me out solo on a case since all this happened? How you make sure that one of you is always with me at a scene?"

The three of them looked at her with guilt and sympathy in their eyes.

"You know I'm sorry I can't just get up and act like everything is fine. I'm _sorry_ that I can't be happy for you. He broke my heart and he _left. _I need time. To be angry, to bad sad, to be whatever the hell I feel like. And with all of you watching my every move I can't do that. I hate coming into work everyday and getting looks from people with pity in their eyes.

How when I walk down the hall people turn away and whisper to each other. And then to get this _crap _from all of you? My family? The people I trust now don't even trust me to do my job? Then you wonder why I keep to myself so much. Gee, did you ever think it's because I've been humiliated in front of my peers enough? It's bad enough having a man cheat on you, but it's so much worse when everyone, _everyone_ knows about it."

"Sara, we're just worried about you. We just want to make sure you're okay." Warrick said softly.

"And did any of you once think to ask me what I need? What would be best for me? Because right now what I need is to be left alone. I need to deal with this on my own terms and on my own time. _Not _with people watching my every move waiting for me to crack." Sara stood up to leave. Her head pounding even more but she ignored it.

"Sara, I-"

"Catherine. Don't...Just _don't._" With that Sara pushed past Warrick and left the three of them standing there, confused and unsure of where to go from there.


	19. Chapter 18

_Hey everyone so sorry this has taken so long to update =/ idk life just hasn't been so great and I could get into the groove of writing for a while but good news! I got it back! I already have the next chapter written, just waiting for it to be ready over by my wonderful beta and best friend, Addy! And it should be up in a week or less, depending on how many reviews I get! *hint hint* lol Anyway again sorry for the wait! Enjoy_

Chapter 18 "I Was Hoping You'd Say That" Soulmate by Natasha Bedingfeild

Breathing in deeply, she felt the cold air hit her lungs. Oh what had she just done? They were only trying to help. She knew that. She really did, but something inside of her was telling her to push away. To distance herself. Afraid that if she got too close to someone again that they would end up breaking her heart in the end and she knew that she could not take going through that again.

She looked behind her, glad to see that no one had followed her out. And yet there was a small part of her that wished someone would come. Sara shook her head, angry with herself. Sometimes she could be so double sided. She wanted them to care but when they did she pushed them away; angry at them with no right to be.

Her head still pounded insanely. It hurt to even think and of course right now, that's all she could do. Her mind flashed back to what she had said. '_And then to get this crap from all of you? My family? The people I trust now don't even trust me to do my job? Then you wonder why I keep to myself so much. Gee, did you ever think it's because I've been humiliated in front of my peers enough? It's bad enough having a man cheat on you, but it's so much worse when everyone,_ everyone _knows about it.'_

"God, what were you thinking, Sara?!" She muttered under her breathe.

She remembered the look on Greg's face. He'd looked so crushed, so hurt. And she had caused it. Her words had caused him pain. Sara looked around. The parking lot was full but deserted of people. At least no one was there to witness her breakdown.

The darkness of the night seemed to be pressing in around her. She didn't know what to do now. It's not like she could go back in, that would be unbelievably awkward. She looked at her watch, two hours before shift ended. But then again it wasn't like anyone would expect her to stick around. But she didn't really want to go home either.

"What are you doin' out here, Sara? Trying to freeze?"

Sara almost cried upon hearing his voice. Not because she was happy he was there, she was actually kind of frustrated that he was. But because it was the last straw. Hearing his calm, Texas drawl made her feel like everything was normal again. Like she could be happy.

"Shit." She muttered as a tear escaped down her cheek.

"Sara..." Nick said softly.

"Please, Nick. Just-"

He placed a hand on her back and that was all it took. She turned into him, burying her face in his shoulder. And for the first time, she let go. She let go of everything. She didn't care if he saw her cry; she didn't care if he saw how weak she could be.

"It's okay, Sara....It's alright."

"No it's not, Nick! Look at me!" Sara said pulling away slightly. "I am the complete opposite of _'alright'._"

"Okay, okay. Bad choice of words. I'm sorry."

Sara pushed herself away from him. "You have nothing to be sorry for!"

Nick looked at her, confused. "Sara, can you please just talk to me."

She angrily wiped the remaining tears away. "And how the in the _hell _am I supposed to talk to you if I have no idea what to say?"

"Say what you're feeling then."

"Well, that will be a little hard cause I have no _clue_ what I feel."

"Sara! Get a hold of yourself okay? You're just making this harder on your-"

"_I'm_making it hard? I am? Really? No! You know what, no. Grissom is! _He_ did this_._ Not me. He's the one that had to go and royally screw everything up. He's the one that left. He's the one that slept with another woman. He's the one that is making it hard."

Nick just looked at her.

Sara was about ready to yell at him again for not saying anything, but then she stopped. She just stood there and looked right back at him. It was like she visibly deflated. "Shit...Nick, I didn't meant to-"

"Stop, okay? You needed to do that." He said smiling softly at her. "Now, talk to me."

"But Nick, I-"

"Sara. Look at me?"

She sighed and turned towards him.

"I don't care what you say, but just talk alright. In simple words, tell me how you feel. It doesn't need to be some elaborate description or anything, just whatever pops into your head. Alright?"

"Can we uh go some place else though? I just don't want to do it here. In case someone, you know." Sara said, motioning to the lab behind him.

"Sure, sure. You wanna go to your place or-"

"No. Not there."

Nick noticed her quick response but let it go. "Want to get a drink then?"

Sara was about to say no but decided against it. "You know what? That sounds perfect."

"You know you gotta talk sometime, right?" Nick asked as Sara took a sip of her beer.

The bar was crowed with happy and drunk tourists but they were seated far in the corner. Away from the blaring music and dancing. Sara turned and glared at him.

"Can I at least enjoy feeling semi-normal again?"

Nick smiled and shook his head. "Okay but we didn't come here for you to 'feel semi-normal' again, Sara. We came here to talk and that's what I'm gonna make you do. And you _know _that I won't let you get away without talkin either."

"Alright, alright." Sara ran her fingers through her hair, starting to get nervous. "So...What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to say what you _feel _Sara! I don't want any bull crap about how you're 'fine'! I know better then that. So talk to me. Please."

"I...I feel like my heart has been ripped in two. I go to work and it's like I'm bombarded with memories of him. I go home and it's the same thing. As if the pain inside isn't reminder enough then everything else _surely_ is.

I get so angry with myself for how I'm acting, you know? I blew up at Greg, Cath and Warrick today. I mean I yelled at them for _caring_. Come on, who _does _that? Then I think about it and what I said and I just wanna cause myself more pain or something, because I can't stand the fact that I hurt them. They are the only family I have and I-I _really _yelled at them for...for loving me.

I want to move on and to let go; be happy again. But it's like something is stopping me. And I think I know what that 'something' is but I don't want to believe it. I want so desperately _not _to actually. I'm just still trying to get my head around the fact that he's not here. Sometimes I wake up and wonder where he is, cause he's not right beside me.

Then it all comes flooding back to me and it feels like I'm suffocating in darkness. Like I'm in some hell that I can't break out of. I-I cry myself to sleep almost every night and then I'm lucky if I actually _do _sleep. Cause I dream about him. And that just makes the pain worse, because then I remember. I remember how good it was. How happy we were.

So I end up lying awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. Hoping some answer will come to me on how to fix this or-or just make it go away. And now I'm babbling like some drunken idiot and you're probably wishing you never asked me to talk."

Nick couldn't help but laugh out loud. "No, you're not babbling like a drunken idiot and I'm not wishing I hadn't asked you to talk. Now, I'm not gonna give you advice on how to fix things, or how I think you can make it easier. Cause with something like this time is your friend and you need some more of it before you can even start to think of healing."

"So you're not going to tell me what I should do or anything?"

"Nope. I'm not gonna say a word about it. And I won't tell anyone a thing you just told me. It's all between you, me and this bar full of badly dancing tourists."

Sara smiled, for the first time feeling like herself again.

"Now, I'm going to ask the _beautiful _woman sitting next to me to dance. So, would you do me the honor?" Nick said, standing up and taking her by the hand.

"I wouldn't dream of saying no."

"Well then, let's show 'em how it's done, shall we?" Sara laughed as he gently pulled her out of her chair.

"Do you believe in love, Nick?" Sara asked as the danced to a slower song.

"Yeah."

"Do you believe in love at first sight?"

"What's with all the love questions here?" He asked, curious.

Sara smiled. "No reason. Now answer the question."

"I don't know. Depends I guess. If it's your 'true' love, then sure. The moment you lay eyes on 'em you can tell. But you can also love more then one person."

"What do you mean?"

Nick smiled down at her. "You know I love you. It wasn't 'love at first sight' but it grew once we got to know each other."

"Yeah...I guess I do kind of know what you mean."

"Do you believe in love?" Nick asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sara looked at him, a smile growing on her lips. "Not so much right now, but I'm willing to try and love again."

"Good. No one should ever give up on love."

"Never said I was giving up on it, now did I?"

He laughed. "I know you didn't. I was just stating a fact."

"So that's a fact now?"

"What is with you, Sar'?"

"I'm living in the moment. Saying the first thing that pops into my head, like you told me to do."

"You're right. I did tell you that didn't I?" Nick said.

"Mmhmm."

"Do you mind if I live in the moment with you then?"

"Not at all." Sara said, raising her eyes to meet his.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

They stopped moving to the music, or maybe the music stopped. Neither of them could tell. They gazed into each others eyes. A thousand words exchanged with one look.

"I'm living in the moment Sara." Nick whispered; just as he leaned down to kiss her.


	20. Chapter 19

_Hey so I know that I said this chapter would be up a lot sooner but time has been doing some weird stuff with me. The days seem to take forever but the week goes by super fast, if that makes any sense to you, I have no idea. But that's what it feels like. School has been well school. I've started the getting ready for college too, which I will be starting in August. So that has taken up a lot of time and plus I haven't had much time to write. My mom's been having a hard time so I'm trying to spend less time on the computer and more time with her. So I'm honestly not sure when the next chapter will be and I apologize for that. I know I get frustrated when I read stories and people don't update regularly. But please stick with me._

_This chapter is not beta-ed. My best friend/beta is just as busy as I am with life so any mistakes are mine. I just did a quick read-through to try and catch anything but I'm sure there are more mistakes. Sorry about that._

_Last thing. I know that you aren't really liking the Nick/Sara relationship, but it is gonna get a little more intense between the two of them. But you know when you get a story in your head that you've gotta get out before your head explodes? Well that's how this story is for me. I know where I want it to go and Nick and Sara have to get together in order for the story to get there. It will end GSR though. And I'll try not to linger on the Snickers for to long, but it will be for a little while._

_Alright, I think that's everything. I want to write some more today, but not sure if I'll be able too. Please review and let me know what you think, I'm not really sure if I like how this chapter ended up but oh well. Enjoy_

Chapter 19 "The Kiss." Seemed Like Such A Good Idea At The Time by The Darkness

Sara felt his lips against hers; she closed her eyes. It felt wrong and yet right at the same time, even though she knew that was impossible. 'I shouldn't be doing this.' She thought, but she didn't pull away. She didn't even try to stop him. Instead, she embraced it. She melted into his arms. Letting go of everything that had been locked up inside of her for the past two weeks.

As they both pulled apart it was like the world had suddenly came back into focus. The music had picked up, the people around were dancing and laughing. Totally oblivious to the two people who were standing silent and still in the middle of the commotion, who had done something neither ever imagined.

They had kissed. One simple and yet complicated kiss. They had always had a relationship, but it was more 'close friends', 'brother/sister' then anything else. They hadn't even thought of making it into something more. And yet there they stood. Gazing into each others eyes.

Nick took her hand and led her through the crowd of people. She followed him blindly. Still caught up in what had just happened. Before she knew it they were outside. She watched Nick as he walked around in circles looking agitated.

"Sara, oh God, I'm so sorry. I-I didn't mean to do that. I don't know what I was thinking. It just-it just felt like the right thing to do, you know? God. I'm so sorry. I never meant to do that. I swear I didn't plan on this happening. Oh Sara."

Sara looked at him blankly. Still trying to decide how she felt about the situation. Was she even okay with it? Was she mad at him? Was she mad at herself for kissing him back?

She closed her eyes, trying to think. How could one kiss cause so much confusion and turmoil? An effortless exchange of emotion, a way of expressing compassion and love. But what kind of love were they sharing? That was the million dollar question.

Was it something more then friendship? _Could _it be something more? Sara felt like she was on emotional over load. Everything was flooding into hear head at once and she couldn't seem to slow it down. Was she still in love with Grissom? Could Nick love her in _that _way? After everything that had happened over the past weeks, could she love _him _in that way?

A billion unanswered questions shot through her mind. She didn't know which one she should try to answer first. So she stood there; just watching him. She knew that she should say something to calm his nerves, but how could she try and give him comforting words of wisdom when she had no idea what to do either?

Her head began to throb and the last thing she needed right now was a migraine. So she focused on her breathing, which was slow and deep. She thought was odd and somewhat out of place for the situation at hand. She should be freaking out right now.

Not that she wasn't on the inside, but in her life her emotions had always gotten the best of her. She let her anger show quickly, she was fast to judge and opinionate. But now she was _too _calm. It was a strange feeling and it bothered her.

Nick stopped his pacing. As if suddenly realizing that someone was there with him. "Are you okay?"

"That's a _really _stupid question, Nick." Sara said softly.

"Yeah...Right." He said, looking a little ashamed.

"But, no." Sara looked to the ground, not sure if she could hold his gaze. "I'm not okay. I don't know what the hell I am right now, Nick...We just _kissed._"

"I know...So, what do we do now?" Nick asked, feeling completely lost. "Do we talk about it?"

Sara scoffed sarcastically. "And look at were talking got us before. Right into this."

"You got a better idea then?"

As soon as the words left his mouth he looked at her apologetically. "I...I didn't mean that in the way it sounded."

Sara sighed. She wanted nothing more then to tell everyone that she was going into hibernation and was not to be bothered for a month. But of course, life just _had _to be difficult. And hibernation was, unfortunately, not a plausible option.

"Alright then. Let's talk."

"Do you wanna-" Nick motioned back to the bar, but Sara shook her head.

"No. If I start freaking out spastically I don't want a whole room full of people there to witness it."

Nick smiled at her. "Should I call in a SWAT team?"

"Ha no." Sara said, glaring at him. "Drive and talk?"

"Works for me."

The first fifteen minutes were somewhere beyond awkward that there wasn't even a word to describe it. The radio played softly in the background, some country station Nick had it on before.

"Cold night, huh?"

Sara had to stop herself from jumping at Nick's voice breaking the deep silence. She had to smile at his sad but cute attempt at starting the conversation. "Yeah, sure is."

Quickly after there conversation, if that's what it would even be called, the silence fell over them again. Nick had taken one of the back country roads, leading out into the dessert. The night was indeed cold, but the sky was clear and bright.

The farther they got away from the lights of Vegas, the brighter the stars became. He pulled off on the side of the road and turned the engine off, with it the radio. Leaving them in complete silence.

Nick thought for sure Sara could hear his beating heart. He glanced over at her but her eyes were looking straight forward, out into the night. He swallowed hard; trying to work up the courage to say something.

"Did you mean it?"

"Um d-did I mean _what_, exactly?" Nick said, totally taken aback by Sara's sudden question.

Sara had to suppress the urge to roll her eyes. She wanted to say 'What do you mean _what_? You should know!', but she held her tongue. "The kiss. Did you really mean it?"

He looked down at his hands; thinking. "Yeah...You know, I did."

"Nick..."

"Don't-just don't say anything, Sara. I get it if it didn't mean anything to you. I just-"

"But it did." The words fell from her lips before she even thought about what they really meant. "It-it _did _mean something to me. I'm...I'm uh just not exactly sure _what_ it meant."

"So you were okay with it?"

Sara looked out the window. "God, this is hard to do."

"If you don't-"

"Nick, look it's not you okay. I'm just-" She sighed. "This is me freaking out, alright? My thoughts are going through my head at like a hundred miles an hour and it's really hard to get those thoughts into words. And better yet, get those words into actual sentences you can understand. This is, you know, pretty dang hard to do right now."

He smiled. "Yeah. That's sounds pretty tough."

"You know that I love you. But right now, I'm just not sure if I can love you in _that _way. We've been such good friends for so long now, I'm not sure if I can afford to lose that by making it an actual relationship. And after everything with...with Grissom, I'm honestly not sure if I'm ready _for_ love again. And I know that I can't handle having my heart broken a second time."

"I won't break your heart, Sara. I swear I won't. Not like he did. If we do _this_, whatever the hell it is, I will be true to you and if we find that it's not working I will be honest and up front with you. I promise you that."

"But Nick, I can't make that promise to you. I can't guarantee that I'll stick with this. And I don't want _you_ making promises like that. We don't know what's to come down the road. Where our lives are going to take us. I don't want you to be tied to something that you end up changing your mind about.

Nick, I know you. Even if we _do _see where this goes and end up finding it's not for us, you'll stick with it because you don't want to hurt me and I don't want that. I know that I'm not making complete sense right now because the stupid words don't come out right and please just stop me at any time. But-" Sara sighed, frustrated with herself.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is - I don't want you to feel obligated to stay with me just because it's what you think I want. Just because of some stupid, spur of the moment, promise you made after a single kiss...Do you get where I'm coming from?"

"Yeah, I do Sara. But I'm a grown man. I know what I'm getting myself into. I know this may not work and I am being one hundred percent up front and honest with you when I say that if I don't like where this ends up, I will tell you."

Sara bit her lip. Was _she _ready for this? Could she handle being in a relationship again? And so soon after Grissom? "Okay."

"Okay what?" Nick asked, confused.

"Okay, let's see where this thing goes. But we just-we take it slow and by slow I mean like at a snails pace. And the moment one of us feels uncomfortable or unsure, we say something right away, without fear that the other will be mad. Alright?"

Nick smiled a big Texas smile at her. "Alright."

Sara sat alone in her apartment. Everything was so silent and still except for the faint sound of Hank snoring in the other room. Sara didn't bother to turn on any lights when she came home, although it was still dark out. When Nick had dropped her off, she'd walked numbly up the stairs, set her keys on the counter and sat down on the couch. And she'd been there since.

The answering machine blinked with two new messages but she didn't bother to listen to them. She already knew it would be Catherine, Warrick or Greg. Calling to check up on her make sure she was alright. She still felt horrible about what had happened earlier that night, but right now she was too exhausted to do anything about it. It was one problem that could wait till tomorrow.

It wasn't like she didn't have anything else to worry about. She'd kissed Nick. Or he had kissed her, she wasn't exactly sure. But the point was - they kissed. She knew that saying okay to the possibility of a relationship wasn't the best idea. But she was lonely. The last two weeks had been so quiet and depressing she kind of figured she owed it to herself to have a little fun.

But as time went on and the more she thought about it, the more she wasn't so sure that it was a good idea.

_Please reivew! Thanks_


	21. Chapter 20

_Hey so here's another chapter! I really enjoyed writing this one so I hope you all like it. Thanks to my friend Tammy for beta reading it for me! Plus she kept buggin me to UD so I figured I'd put her to work while she read! ;) Haha Anyway, got the next chapter written, just need it beta-ed and it'll be good to go. Probably UD next week sometime. Enjoy_

Chapter 20 - "Dreams. Memories. And Lost Love." The Littlest Things by Lily Allen

Grissom sat in the darkness of his hotel room. He was miserable. He'd gone out and walked around the town, trying to actually enjoy some of the beautiful sights around him. But his thoughts were never far from her. He'd seen two people kissing and remembered their fist kiss. How he'd been so nervous the whole night, how he couldn't focus on anything.

He did have to admit it was an odd first date since they had known each other for so long, but at the end of the night, he'd been able to work up the courage to do it. She'd looked at him with her chocolate brown eyes, as if asking him to kiss her. A silent understanding. He loved how she had blushed ever so lightly as he leaned down to kiss her.

As he pulled away he noticed her eyes were still closed, as if wanting to hold on to that moment for a little while longer. When she'd opened them and realized he had been watching her, she quickly looked away and smiled.

He'd said good night to her, smiled and turned to walk away. He hadn't taken more then two steps before her voice stopped him. She'd said good night, Gilbert. Not once in all the years they'd known each other had she called him Gilbert. No one the team did for that matter. Now it was his turn to blush as he turned to take one last look at her.

It had been four days since 'the kiss'. That's how she thought of it, 'thekiss'. Not 'our kiss' or anything else. It was just '_the _kiss'. The first day at work had been interesting. Both of them had no idea what to do or how to act around each other.

They had talked a little about whether or not they should be open with the team about their new found relationship, or if they should keep it hidden. Sara didn't want anyone to know just yet, in case the word somehow got back to Grissom. That was one thing she didn't want to have to worry about.

But on the other hand, Nick somewhat wanted everyone to know, especially Grissom. But they came to the agreement that it would be kept between the two of them for a week and after they would discuss it more.

Sara sat yet again alone in her apartment. Cold beer in hand. She'd just gotten off of work. It had been a tough case. Bringing back many unwanted memories of her childhood. Nick and Catherine, who'd worked the case with her, had noticed her sudden change in behavior. Although when they asked about it, she shrugged them off saying she was just tired.

And it wasn't a lie. She was tired. Just not so much physically as mentally. She didn't feel like herself anymore. This whole 'thing' with Nick had her way off base. She went along with it, and she honestly did have a good time hanging out with him. Smiling and laughing felt natural. It was nice. But it just wasn't her. She felt bad for leading him on, but then again she wasn't leading him on. She really did have feelings for him.

But she was still somewhat unsure of what exactly those feelings were. She hated herself for that. For not being able to speak her mind. How she really felt. Instead she went on acting like everything was a-okay. She liked being dark and moody because it was how she felt on the inside, but whenever she went out she'd plaster on a smile and act fine.

She would cry herself to sleep at night, just to feel real. So she could hold onto that small part of herself that was left. When Grissom left those first couple of weeks she'd been numb. Oblivious to the world around her. But now that life was back in full swing she was stuck on auto pilot. Going through the motions without thinking.

Laughing when there was a joke, even if she didn't find it funny. Saying she was okay when she felt like breaking down. Smiling when people looked at her just so they wouldn't ask too many questions.

She took another sip of beer as silent tears fell down her cheeks. All the curtains were closed, blocking out the day light. Her mind flashed back to the time when Grissom had come over to check up on her after she'd blown up at Catherine and had been suspended by Ecklie. She remembered that day almost to well.

Grissom had been pressing her, wanting to know the reason behind her anger. To this day she still didn't know why she gave in so easily. How she'd trusted him so quickly. Her whole life and still somewhat to this day, she had a hard time trusting people. With Grissom though, she just knew that she could.

The end credits began to roll on the movie. Grissom sighed and looked over at his clock. 3AM. He wasn't even tired. He'd watched one of his favorite movies, The Big Chill. Yet somehow it had lost something. This time he didn't enjoy it as much as he had in the past. But he knew in reality it was him that had lost something. Sara.

And unlike in the movies, he couldn't just show up on her doorstep with flowers and an apology and he'd sweep her off her feet to live happily ever after. Life didn't work like that. And now getting back together with Sara could only be a dream.

Grissom sat up and turned off the TV. He walked over to the window. Looking out at the lights of the city. It wasn't as bright as Vegas. Actually it seemed quite dull in comparison. He had to admit he missed Vegas. He even missed his job. A job were he was paid to solve puzzles. To him that was pure perfection. He loved a good puzzle. But when it came to love and solving that, he wasn't any good.

He remembered the way it felt. To love without realizing it. The way his heart would skip a beat any time she walked into a room. The way his knees would weaken any time she smiled at him. But that feeling was only a memory now. And it was fading fast.

Dreams. That's what his life had become. The memories he had of when they were together were like dreams, he could picture it in his mind but the feeling was slipping away. And he could only dream of being with her again.

God, how he missed the sound of her voice. The touch of her skin. Her laugh. The way she blushed when she was embarrassed. That knowing look and smile, like she knew exactly what he was thinking. Now they were merely dreams of something that had been. Not something that was to come. He wondered if she thought of him the same way.

Did she miss him? His laugh, his smile? His touch? He shook his head. If he kept thinking that like he would drive himself crazy. But the smallest things made him think of Sara in some way. If he could have just one day with her. One single day when things could be like they were. He'd give anything for that.

One thing he came to realize was that no one could ever replace Sara. She was one in a million. She was his night and day. His sun and moon. She was his life. And he'd lost her. Or rather, he'd let her go.

He had let go of his one and only love.

The phone rang, but she made no move to answer it. Finally the machine kicked in. 'Hey Sara, it's me. Sorry, guess you might be sleeping. Didn't really think of that. Anyway, I just wanted to see if you wanted to grab a late dinner before shift? Let me know. I can swing by and pick you up if you like. See you later.'

Greg was worried about her. She could tell by the sound of his voice. She had a feeling that he knew of her relationship with Nick or at the very least knew that something was going on. Greg always had an uncanny way of being able to tell when something was going on with Sara. Even when she did her best to hide it from him.

When she and Grissom had first started dating, Greg kept asking Sara these hinting questions. Like 'if you could have the perfect guy, what would his hair color be?'. Stupid things like that and also somewhat more serious ones. Finally she'd broken down and told him. Even though she and Grissom had agreed to keep it secret she figured that Griss had told Brass, so she could tell Greg.

And surprisingly, he hadn't been that surprised. He told Sara that he'd noticed how happy she'd been lately and how Grissom blushed every time he looked at her. He willingly agreed to keep their secret for however long they needed. And he kept his word.

Sara couldn't help but smile as she thought about it. She closed her eyes. She'd thought about Grissom so much today. More so then any other day. She remembered how happy she was. She missed the way he'd hold her close to him as she cried after a hard case. How she missed that feeling. And how she hated memories.

For her, they always brought back unwanted feelings. Things she tried so desperately to forget. But here she was; empty beer bottle in hand and a tear streaked face.

Remembering her lost love.

_Please review! I only got 6 reviews for the last chapter :( *tear*_


	22. Chapter 21

_Hey everyone. Sorry it has taken me so long to update. And unfortunately it will be a while before I can update again. Turns out I'm going to Vegas with a friend for spring break! I have an idea of where the story will go in the next chapter but I have a feeling that actually writing it may be difficult. So please just bare with me with the slow ud's. And for all you people wondering where in the hell Grissom is, well he's in the next chapter. The next one is where the real drama will begin. Now this chapter is kinda short so sorry about that. I wanted to add more but I ran out of time and I really wanted to ud before I left. Anyway, think thats it. Please review and let me know what you think! Enjoy_

Chapter 21 - "Six Weeks" The Moment I Said It by Imogen Heap

Sara looked at the ring on her finger. It glistened in the bright setting sun. Nick stood beside her, holding her close. She took a deep breathe; she couldn't take her eyes off the ring.

"I love you, Sara."

She turned to look at Nick, but it wasn't him who had spoken. That voice. God, she knew that voice.

"I love you, Sara Sidle."

Frantically she looked around. She had to find him. Did he really mean what he said? Did he still love her? She caught Nick's eye. He looked so crushed. So angry. Sara opened her mouth, but no words came out.

"I love _you._"

Fresh tears filled her eyes. Nick looked so hurt. As if he was in physical pain. Her heart beat faster and faster. Then she saw him. He was standing no more then a few feet away. She could almost reach out and touch him.

She looked back at Nick. She gasped in fear. There was blood everywhere. She screamed his name but there was no sound. She reached out to Nick. She had to stop the bleeding, but it was coming so fast.

"Sara."

He said her name so softly that time that she barely heard him. Then suddenly Nick was gone. She was alone with him. She looked down at her hands. They were covered in blood.

She breathed in but no air filled her lungs. Looking around her, everything began to fade slowly. Just as quickly as he had appeared, he was gone. But his voice still lingered in the air.

Until everything disappeared into darkness.

Sara woke with a start.

Nick stirred at her side but he didn't wake up. Her heart was racing. "Just a dream...It was just a dream." She said softly. Her bare feet touched the cold floor as she got out of her bed. Her legs shaking as she slowly made her way down the hall.

She ran her fingers through her hair. The voice in her dream still ringing hauntingly in her ears. She turned the light on in the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge she made her way into the living room.

Turning on the TV she flipped through the stations. After a while she gave up on finding anything good and settled on some old French movie. At first she read the subtitles but after a while gave up and just sat there watching.

"Five in the morning and you're drinking a beer, watching French movies. That can't be good."

Nick's voice from behind her made her jump. He looked at her apologetically and sat down beside her.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." She said.

"It's okay. I'm not used to sleeping at night anyway...So, bad dream?"

Sara didn't answer but he took that as a yes. They had that night off from work. They had gone for dinner and a movie. Nick had asked Catherine to give them both the night off because they had been together for six weeks now. Catherine said it was no problem and then told Nick that he was such a romantic that sometimes it scared her.

"Was it about _him_?"

"If by _him _you mean Grissom, then yes." Sara said, a little agitated. "Nick every time something comes up about Grissom you get so angry. I don't think you've said his name once since all this happened."

"Yeah, because I don't get how you _can _say his name. After what he did to you, Sara."

"Nick, I'm over it now so you should be too."

"I don't believe that."

"What?" Sara looked at him, slightly surprised.

"You're not over him yet."

"It's been eight weeks. I am over it."

"Then tell me, is that why you have dreams or nightmares, whatever the hell they are, about him almost every night? That's not _over _someone, Sara."

"If I tell you that I'm over him, then I am. And if you don't believe me then maybe this wasn't such a great idea."

Nick looked at her. "Maybe you're right. Cause I don't believe you. Just answer this, did you ever love me?"

"How can you ask that? How can you-God, Nick."

"Look, I got somewhere to be. I'll call you later." He stood quickly, taking his keys from the counter.

"Nick, what is going on?" All the anger that was in her voice moments ago was now gone. "Come on, Nick. Let's just talk about this okay?"

He turned to look at her; his cheeks red with anger. "You want to talk, so talk."

"I have _never _seen you like this. I don't like it at all, Nick...You're scaring me."

His face softened.

"Just...Come on, let's sit and talk. Please."

Nick set his keys back on the counter, feeling slightly embarrassed at his sudden out break of emotion.

"Look at me. I love you, Nick. And you know...Maybe-maybe you're right about Grissom. Maybe I'm not fully over him. But I'm with you now. It's going to take time for the both of us to get through this. But I promise you it will get better.

Nick, when you got up to leave I-" Sara paused, looking down at her hands.

Suddenly the images of her dream came flooding back to her.

"Sara?"

"I-I felt like I was losing you."

"I'm sorry, Sar'. I don't know what came over me. Just talking about...Grissom." He said the name with such hatred that Sara turned to look at him. "It just makes me so damn _angry_. Every time I hear someone talk about him I think about what he did to you and it makes me sick."

Sara just looked at him. Here, right in front of her, was a man that cared for her so much. A man who was willing to do anything just for her happiness. He wore his heart on his sleeve; let her into the deepest parts of his soul.

"I can't stand what he did to you."

"Nick, that wasn't the first time my heart has been broken and chances are it won't be the last. It's life. You fall down you get back up again. You get a bruise, so it stays for a week or so. You get a cut, yeah, there's a chance it'll leave a scar. But after time, it fades. Even though it never really goes away...This is always going to be a part of me. I can try and cover it up as much as I can but I'm always going to know it's there.

There's always going to be a scar. You can't make it go away, Nick. No matter how hard you try...Some people can be fixed, but I think that others are just meant to be broken."

Nick was silent. He watched as she blankly stared at the floor. "Do..do you think you're broken?"

It was a question she wasn't expecting, but she was quick to reply. "Yes...and no."

"Sara, you're not broken."

"You know maybe I am, Nick. Maybe you just can't see it...Every time something good comes along in my life, something so much worse follows." Tears silently began to fall from her eyes. "I-I fall in love with someone I truly believe I can spend the rest of my life with, and he cheats on me. Then...Then I'm with you. And suddenly I'm happy again.

My life is actually going okay. But I'm scared, Nick. I am so scared of what's gonna happen next. I feel like I'm stuck, just waiting for the ball to drop. To ruin everything good that I have going for me."

"I won't let that happen." Nick whispered as he pulled her into a hug.

They sat like that for a long time. Sara thought it was such an odd scene. The two of them, sitting on the couch at five in the morning with some French movie playing on the TV and a warm beer sitting on the coffee table.

'Happy six week anniversary.' She thought to herself.

She looked down at her hand again. It was like she could feel the ring on her finger. Then a thought crossed her mind. Something she hadn't even considered before.

Who had given her the ring?

Nick…Or Grissom?


	23. Chapter 22

_Hey so sorry it took me forever to get this chapter up. But it's a nice long one with lots of drama!!! I really wanted this chapter to be good and I think it turned out okay and I hope you do too! Anyway think that's about it. Enjoy_

_Please let me know what you think! I only got 6 reviews on the last chapter :(_

Chapter 22 - "In A Matter Of Hours" Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon

He was desolate. Forlorn, hopeless, tormented, and brokenhearted. In other words he was miserable. There was no spring in his step. No light left in his eyes. Food had lost its taste. The sun had lost its warmth. Life had lost its meaning.

He had come to the realization that he no longer felt anything but the pain. A pain that ran deep into his core. There was not a single moment in the day that he did not feel that agonizing pain. It had become a part of him, of who he was. And he knew if he kept going like this, living in the constant darkness he'd come to call home, that there would soon be nothing left of him.

As each day passed by, he grew even more enclosed. Wrapped up in his own thoughts. In his own world. He was stuck in whirlwind of sorrow. He knew he couldn't take much more. He had to have an answer. An answer to the question that played over and over, like a broken record, in his head. He needed to know once and for all, if she still loved him.

Whether she did or not, he needed closure. He had to see her face again. To hear her voice just one last time. To see those dark eyes that had captivated his heart the first day they met. He knew what he had to do. He had to go back.

To tell her all the thoughts that had plagued his mind since the moment he'd left her. He had to tell her that he still loved her. And if she accepted him back with open arms or with a closed heart, he didn't care. He just needed to know. He had to end this chapter of his life before he could move on.

He grabbed his suitcase from the closet and started throwing things in. He decided to get the first ticket he could lay his hands on, no matter what the cost. In a matter of hours he would see her again.

In a matter of hours he would tell Sara that he loved her.

* * *

Sara sat in the break room staring at her coffee cup. Ever since her dream earlier that morning, she'd felt off. Like something wasn't quite right. Every time she looked at her hand, it was like she could see the ring, right there. Like she could feel it.

"Well you look like hell."

Sara looked up. "Gee, thanks, Cath."

Catherine smiled as she took a seat next to Sara. "You've been staring at your coffee for the past fifteen minutes. Either you know something I don't, like that it's going to turn into gold any second now, or you got something on your mind."

Sara sighed. "I had a dream last night or-or nightmare, I don't know. I just can't seem to get it out of my head."

"What was it about?" Catherine asked.

Sara didn't speak for a few minutes. Catherine watched her silently, seeing that she was truly upset by something.

"Grissom was calling me. He was telling me that he loved me. And Nick...Nick was there. I had an engagement ring on and Nick was holding me. But then all of a sudden there was blood everywhere and I couldn't stop it. Then Nick was gone. Grissom kept saying he loved me, over and over. And then I was alone."

"Any idea who gave you the ring?"

"No. And honestly I'm not sure I really want to know."

"Things are going pretty well with Nick though, right?" Catherine asked.

"They are, but I mean getting married? I-I don't know if I could do that."

"But you love him, don't you?"

Sara suddenly felt like she'd been hit by a car. Did she even love him? They'd been together for six weeks now and they'd known each other for years before that. But, love? Honestly she'd never even thought of it. Sure, she cared for him deeply. But love was a different story.

They had suddenly gone from being friends, to being something much more. It had been so quick that she never really thought twice about it. It had felt like the right thing to do. She was enjoying having someone to come home to. Someone to talk to about anything. Someone to help fill the void that Grissom had made when he left.

But marriage? She had thought that she would marry Grissom, but look how that had turned out.

"Look, Sara. I'm honestly not trying to stick my head in places where it doesn't belong but, if you don't love Nick in that way, you have to tell him. I know that right now that sounds absurd and painful, but trust me, if you don't tell him now you'll find yourself down the road with a kid and a guy you care about but don't love. And that's not a place you want to be."

Sara felt like she was running out of air. How did she let it get this far? How did it come to this? "He'll hate me, won't he?" She said softly.

Catherine heard the pain in Sara's voice. She truly did feel sorry for her. First the ordeal with Grissom and now she had to tell the man who'd helped her get through it, that she didn't love him. What else could possibly go wrong?

"I'm a horrible person, aren't I? How could I let it-I just, I can't hurt him like that. He's done so much for me; helped me through so much. How could I do this to him?"

"Sara, you're not a horrible person, alright? You have to believe that. After what Grissom did to you, you deserved some happiness. And Nick made that happen. But like any normal human being, you got caught up in it. You let it get too far. So what? You made a mistake, it happens.

But if you come right out and tell him now, it'll get better. It's like ripping off a band-aid. You just have to get it over with fast and it hurts like hell at first, but then the pain will go away."

"He's everything I should ever want. He listens, he talks, and he really cares about me. He loves me. So why don't I love him back?"

"Because that's the logical way to look at it. And love is anything but logical. So it may seem like he's perfect for you, but really he's not. He may be everything that you need in a guy, but he's not the right one. I'm sure he knows that's true, but right now he's too concerned about making you happy. Which he does, just more as a friend than a lover."

"You really think this is the right thing to do?" Sara asked, biting her lip.

Catherine shook her head. "I do."

* * *

Grissom drove down the familiar streets of Las Vegas. He had to admit it felt good to be back. He only hoped it could be for good, although he knew that was most likely impossible.

The whole flight there, his mind had been racing. Coming up with different ways of how to tell Sara that he still loved her with his whole heart and that he'd like to have her back.

But now, as her drew closer and closer to the lab, he decided against everything he'd come up with. If he was going to do this, then he just had to do. He'd walk right up to her and spill his heart out.

And pray to God that she accepted him back.

* * *

"Hey Greg, you seen Sara?" Nick asked a huge grin on his face.

"Yeah. She's in the break room with Cath. How come?" Greg said, wondering why he looked so happy.

"I got something I want to ask her."

"Like _ask_ her ask her?" Greg said, a little shocked if what he was thinking was true.

Nick laughed a little nervously. "Yeah. What do you think?"

Greg didn't know what to say. He was happy that Sara was happy, but something about her being with Nick always felt strange to him. But it wasn't his place to say anything, so he'd kept his mouth shut. "Yeah...Yeah, good luck man."

He watched as Nick headed towards the break room. He hoped he knew what he was doing. And that Sara felt the same way about him.

* * *

Grissom pulled into the parking lot of the lab. His heart was racing. This was it. Do or die. He opened his car door and got out. The cool night air flooding around him.

"Here goes everything." He said under his breathe.

* * *

"Nick. I was just coming to find you. We uh need to talk." Sara said nervously.

He grinned at her. "Good, cause I wanted to talk to you too."

"Y-you did?"

"Yeah, don't look so nervous, Sara. It's nothing bad."

"Right. Um yeah sorry." Sara felt like she was going to be sick. Her legs felt like they would give out any second and she was sure Nick would be able to hear her heart, which was beating furiously.

"Come on, let's sit down." Nick said, leading her over to the table in the break room.

Sara was wishing like hell that Catherine hadn't left her alone.

"So you said you wanted to talk to me about something?" Nick said.

"Um yeah, but you go first."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." Sara said. The longer she could put it off, the better.

"You know that I care about you a lot, right?" He asked.

She shook her head, not trusting her voice anymore.

"Well I know that this may seem sudden and too fast, but I've been thinking about it for a while now. And I believe it's the right thing to do. It's what my heart is telling me and I can't ignore it any more.

We've known each other for a long time now. I've always thought of you as my best friend. We've been through a lot together, especially recently. And lately I've noticed that my love for you has grown. It's become something much bigger.

All I care about now is you. Making you happy. Making you feel safe, and loved. And I want you to know that if you think this is too soon or if you need time, just tell me. Don't feel bad about it. I want to do what's best for you."

As Nick said this he reached into his pocket.

Sara wanted to cry, scream, and run. Run as far away as she could. This couldn't be happening.

"Sara Sidle, will you marry me?"

She couldn't speak. She just looked at him. She didn't even realize that she was crying until he wiped a tear away. All of a sudden she could feel eyes watching her, but they weren't Nick's. Looking past him, she couldn't help but let out a small gasp when she saw who was standing in the door way. His name fell from her lips in a whisper before she could even think.

"Grissom."

_Dun dun dun.....Please review! Thanks_


	24. Chapter 23

_So here it is! The chapter you've all been waiting for!! Haha well sort of. Anyway, this chapter is pretty much the whole reason I wrote this story. I heard this song (which I really recommend you listen too) and then got the idea for the story. I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out although I think it could have been a bit better. Oh well. I have an idea for the next chapter but I'm not sure when I'll have time to write it. Been super busy with school and getting ready for college so bare with me! I think that's it! More drama is to come! And don't worry, this story will have a happy GSR ending, so don't give up!! Enjoy_

_Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks!_

Chapter 23 - "I Can't Do This" Congratulations by Blue October

"What in the _hell_are you doing here, Grissom." Nick said; his jaw clenched tightly.

But Grissom didn't hear him. In fact he didn't feel all the eyes that where glued to him at that very moment. The only thing he could see was Sara. Their eyes had locked and he couldn't yet bring himself to look away. Those eyes; the ones that had captivated his heart and soul in just a matter of days.

It made his heart burn with pain to see the sorrow and hurt that filled them now. He watched as the tears welled up, but Sara, being who she was, tried desperately not to let them fall.

"I'm here to talk to Sara." He said, suddenly coming back to reality.

"Yeah, well that's not going to happen." Nick said as he stood up, standing in front of Sara.

"Nick."

He turned around and faced Sara quickly, as if he had forgotten she was there. "Yeah?"

"If he wants to talk to me, then he can." Her voice was flat, hiding any and all emotion.

Nick looked at her in shock. "You're actually going to talk to him? Now?"

Sara could hear the strain in his voice, but it was what her heart was telling her to do. "Yes. I am."

"Sara, come on! You can't be serious."

"Nick, let's go. This is between Grissom and Sara. We need to let them figure it out. And that means if Sara wants to talk to him, she can." Catherine's voice seeming to bring everyone back into reality.

Nick sighed and stood there for a moment. As if waiting for Sara to say something, but she never did. She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye; right now, she just couldn't.

"Fine." He said, quickly and somewhat angrily, brushing past Grissom.

"I'll leave you two to talk, though I might advise talking somewhere else. If you do it here, you'll have an audience." Catherine said, motioning to the many lab tech's who had stopped to watch what was happening when they saw Grissom arrive.

"Thanks, Cath." Sara said, not raising her head.

Catherine was about to say something but stopped herself and walked out, leaving the two of them alone.

"Do...Do you mind if I sit there?" Grissom asked softly, motioning to the seat next to her.

"Go ahead."

The two of them sat in an awkward silence for a while. Grissom kept opening his mouth to say something but then he'd just close it again. Sara couldn't take her eyes off the little black box that sat on the table in front her. When Nick had pulled it out of his pocket, at that same time, she'd seen Grissom in the door way. She knew what must be inside but she couldn't bring herself to believe it.

"Do you want to take a walk with me?" Grissom asked, surprising her a little.

"Grissom, you obviously came here to say something, so say it." Sara said.

"Right...Right. So, I guess congratulations are in order?" He said, motioning to the ring box.

"That's not what you came to talk about and you know it." Sara said angrily.

"I'm sorry. I know, I-" He stopped and sighed. "You've known me long enough that you know my mind works differently then most. I see things in a different light. I-"

"I get the point, Griss. Like you said, I've known you for a long time."

"Sorry." He cleared his throat. "You uh you seem happy. With-with Nick, I mean. Are you?"

"If you came here to check up on my life, then you've come a long way for nothing. Or a short way, I don't know. You left, Grissom. You cheated on me and then you left. And now you come back from God knows where and you're interrogating me on my relationship with Nick!"

As Sara spoke the pain and anger of what had happened between them came flooding back to her.

"Sara please! You have to understand that this is hard for me-"

"And you think it's easy for _me_?"

"No! Of course not. The words, they just don't come out the way I want them to, Sara. I'm trying to be open about this. But everything comes out and sounds like..."

"An interrogation?" Sara said quietly.

Grissom sat there for a moment before answering. "Yes....What I'm trying to say is-is that, I'm happy for you. If you and Nick are happy together, then I'm happy for you.

I know leaving wasn't the answer but it's given me time to think. I know I screwed up. I know what we had was perfect and once in a life time, and I let it fall to pieces. I get that it's my fault."

"You know we can't change this, right?"

"I know. I can never take it back. I can never take away the pain that I caused you. I can't turn back time...But what I can do, is change your mind. Or at least try too."

Sara looked at him; not sure what to say, if anything.

Grissom stood up and ran his hand through his hair. He thought this would have been easier. That he would just walk in and spill his heart out to her. But his chance to be open was now gone. It had been shattered the moment he saw Sara. The moment she became Mrs. _Him_.

Sara was his best friend. A person he could talk to about anything and not be ashamed or have a fear of being judged. She was his everything. But if she was happy with Nick, then he had to be happy for her. No matter how much it hurt him.

"Will you take a drive with me?"

She looked at him, shaking her head. "You came here with something to tell me and you know, I highly doubt that you've said it yet. And now you want me to hop in a car with you and drive off into the sunset? What the hell do you want from me, Grissom?"

"That's not what I was saying."

"Then say it!"

"I can't stand it, Sara!" Grissom's voice rose up in anger. "I can't stand what I did to you. To us. I let go of the best thing in my life. The one thing-the one _perfect _and amazing thing that I had and I let it disappear right before my eyes.

It was _my _choice. _My _fault. _My_ mistake. I can't take it back, but God knows how much I want too. I made a huge mistake, Sara. I don't care how many times I have to say I'm sorry but I won't stop. I know to ask your forgiveness is-is just stupid. So I won't. But Sara, I am _so, so _sorry."

She didn't say anything. She just looked at him, as tears filled her eyes. How could she still have feelings for him? After everything that happened, she looked at the man standing in front of her, and she wanted him to hold her. To tell her that it would be okay.

But he had caused this mess. He had put her on this roller coaster of anguish. And no matter what her heart told her, she couldn't. She couldn't put herself into that relationship again.

"Please, just take a drive with me. Let's talk, but just not here."

"Just make it go away. Please." Sara muttered softly, letting the tears spill down her cheeks.

Grissom watched her. "If that's what you want, I'll go."

She looked up and angrily wiped the tears away. "Not you, Grissom. The pain. This mess. I just want it to go away. I don't want it anymore. I want to smile and mean it. I want to laugh a real laugh and not feel fake every time I say I'm okay. I want to live again. To feel the sun on my face and be happy for no reason. This isn't just something you can cover up.

But my heart, the pain, it won't let me do that. I want to forgive you. I do. But I can't. Not after what you did to me...You left me, Gil. You slept with another woman, and then you left me to deal with everything. I really do want to forgive you, but I just...I can't."

He didn't know what hurt him more, the fact that she couldn't forgive him. Or the fact that she wanted too. "I uh I want to give you something."

"I'm sorry, Gil. But I just can't do this. Not here, not now and maybe not ever. You know you're right. You can't take it back and you can't change it. And you can't change my mind either. I'm sorry, but you can't. I won't-"

"I want to give you my heart, Sara."

"What?" Sara said, her voice coming out as a whisper.

"My heart. If you want it, it's yours. I know it will take time for us to move on, if that's possible but I have all the time in the world. Because you are my world, Sara. And I don't care how lame that sounds, and I'd tell everybody if you wanted me too. The truth is without you in my life, I have no reason to live."

If she hadn't been sitting down already she was sure he knees would have given out from under her. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on breathing. There where to many emotions swirling around inside her; she couldn't tell truth from fiction anymore.

Grissom watched as she took the ring box off the table and held it in her hands for a moment. She stood up slowly and walked over to him. Reaching down, she took his hand in hers. Tears now running freely down her face.

"I'm sorry, Gil. I can't do this."

* * *

_So what do ya think? _


	25. Chapter 24

_I know it has been far to long since I updated. I'll try my hardest to update a lot sooner for the next chapter. Life has been super crazy. Getting ready for college, my sis getting ready to move, and a bunch of other crap that you don't really need to know about. And it seemed like everytime I sat down to write the words just would come. I actually had almost all of this writen a few weeks ago but when I went to re-read it, it just didn't seem to fit right. So I started from scratch and I really like how it turned out. So please forgive me for taking so long :( I know I get annoyed when people don't update their stories. Anyway, please review and let me know what you think. We're getting into the happy GSR part soon so hang in there! Thanks for sticking with the story! _

_And many thanks to my friend who beta-read the chapter for me. She was talking to me today and said a few chapters ago when I had Nick and Sara kiss, she almost got sick and this chapter almost made her cry! The next chapter is gonna be for you! :) love ya_

_Enjoy_

Chapter 24 "Far From A Fairytale" Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson

"You can't do what, Sara?"

His words stopped her dead in her tracks. She stood in the doorway; her back to him. She didn't say anything, but she didn't make a move to leave either.

"You can't answer me? Can't forgive me? Can't love me? Tell me." Grissom's voice was soft of full of sadness as he spoke.

Sara closed her eyes; letting the tears escape silently. "I can't do any of it, Gil...Not now. I can't answer you because I'm scared. I want so desperately to forgive you, but everything is screaming at me not too...And I do love you. I love you so much that it hurts."

He watched as she slowly turned to face him. "I can't take this now. There are so many emotions running through me, I need time. Time to figure out where I want my life to go. You-you can't just walk in here and expect me to run into your open arms. To forgive you and drive off in some pumpkin carriage and live happily ever after.

Life is far from a fairytale, Grissom. And even if that's what you want, I can't give it to you. It's not that easy."

"I wasn't asking for a perfect ending, Sara. I apologize if that's what it seems like. I know my timing couldn't have been worse. And I am so sorry for what I have done to you."

Sara smiled sarcastically. "Actually, you're timing may have been perfect."

Grissom looked at her questioningly. "What are you talking about? I ruined Nick's proposal. I ruined your chance at a real life fairytale. How can you say my timing was-"

"You jerk!" Nick spat as he rushed in and pushed Grissom against the wall.

"Nick! Let him go!" Sara yelled, trying to pull him away.

"Stay out of this, Sara." Nick said through gritted teeth. "What the hell is wrong you with you Grissom? You come back here without warning and you ruin everything! Like you didn't hurt her enough when you left and then you come back and just screw things up even more!"

"Nick!"

"I said stay out of this Sara."

"No." Sara said sternly. The tears in her eyes were gone, replaced with burning anger.

Nick turned to look at her, as if suddenly remembering who he was talking too. He quickly released Grissom and looked at Sara apologetically. "Sara, I-I don't know what came over me."

"Don't apologize to me, Nick...Apologize to Grissom." She said, her voice hiding all emotion.

Nick's jaw visibly clenched as he looked at Grissom. "Sorry."

Grissom only shook his head. He turned towards Sara, trying to figure out what she was feeling. She quickly looked away from his gaze, but soon found that it was a mistake because she was met with Nick's pleading eyes. Turning her head away she decided to stare at the floor, at least it didn't stare back at her with questioning eyes.

"So..." Grissom said, looking around the room.

"Do you want to get out of here, Sar'?"

Sara rolled her eyes at Nick's comment, but luckily he didn't see. "Yeah I do."

"Alright, let's go." He said as he moved towards her.

She held her hand out and stopped him. "Alone."

"Yeah...Yeah of course."

"I'll call you later, alright?"

"Sure." Nick said, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice but failing.

"Sara?"

She turned around, raising her eyes to meet his. "What, Griss?" She said softly.

He didn't say a word. But he knew by the look in her eyes she knew exactly what he meant.

Nick sat at the break room table. It'd been hours since Sara had left him standing there with Grissom. He hadn't heard a word from her since. After much debate with Catherine, she finally said she would go and check on her. Now he waited impatiently for her return.

He looked up just as Grissom came walking in. Nick could tell that Grissom hesitated when he saw him sitting there, but never the less, he sat down across from him.

"I wanted to apologize to you, Nick. I know my timing was horrible. I know I showed up without warning. I know that was stupid. I wasn't thinking when I got on the plane to come here."

Nick shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "I should be the one saying sorry. I don't know what came over me earlier. Guess I just got too caught up in my anger."

Grissom smiled softly. "I'd do that to me too, if I were you."

"Things sure have changed, haven't they?"

Grissom didn't say anything for a while. He just sat there. "I'm worried about her, Nick...I'm not expecting her to forgive me or anything like that, but today when I saw her, it just didn't seem like the Sara I knew."

"After you-" Nick stopped, not sure how to say it. "After you left, she kinda lost it. For a while she just worked and worked. Didn't sleep, didn't eat. She was like a ghost, man. Then I uh...We grew close. She perked up more. Actually started being human again, but...the spark, it's just not there anymore."

Just then Catherine came in, a little surprised to see Nick and Grissom, sitting together and talking. Word had traveled around the entire lab by then about their incident earlier.

"Was she there?" Nick asked, before she could even get a word out.

"No." Catherine said. "But this was taped to the front door. One was addressed to me, telling me to give it to you and after you read it, I have one to give to you, Griss." She said, handing Nick a letter.

He quickly opened it and started to read.

'_My dearest Nick,_

_First, I want you to know that you have showed me a world I didn't know existed. You showed me that a flower can grow and bloom in the darkest and coldest winter. It can go from being small and weak, and turn into something so unique and beautiful. _

_I want you to know that you couldn't have loved me better. You opened up your heart for me. You helped me learn how to love again. I could never thank you enough for that. You took your heart and you handed it to me. All I had to do was take it. And with a simple yes, it could have been mine. _

_But there is one problem, one that I cannot ignore; no matter how much you want me too. I can't give you my heart. I would like too, but it is no longer mine to give. And if I'm honest with myself, it never even was. _

_I gave it to a man a long time ago. A man that you most likely hate right now. And although he hurt me in such an unimaginable way, he still holds my heart. And I believe I hold his too. And the fact is - I really do love him. To go through all that I did and come out on the other side with love still burning inside me, I cannot over look that. _

_Every young girl dreams of her knight in shining armor. Coming in and taking her far away to a wonderful castle. And their love is real, pure and true and they live happily ever after. I truly believe__d__ that you __were__ my ever after, Nick. And for a while I began to believe that there could be a happy ending for us. But life isn't a fairytale. It never has been, and sadly, never will be._

_I cannot live a lie. I cannot pretend to love you when my thoughts are of another man. I know that this hurts. Trust me, I know. But if I said yes and went through with everything, that would have hurt you so much more. I just couldn't do that. You are my best friend, Nick. I think we both lost sight of that. We got caught up in whatever this was. And I think we both knew, deep down, from the start of this that we were meant to say goodbye. We knew this wouldn't last forever._

_I didn't want us to end this way. I honestly thought it would be different. But I can't go on like this. I can't keep letting you think that we're okay. When you gave me the ring, I couldn't help but image how nice our life together could be. But I'm not the woman you should give it too. We are more like brother and sister than anything else. We've always had that unexplainable connection. When a simple look could mean more than a thousand words ever could._

_Please, don't blame Grissom for any of this. If he hadn't showed up when he did...Well, it would have been different, but my answer would still be no. This is what I wanted to talk to you about when you found me. I wanted to tell you that we couldn't go on like we were. But I never got the chance to say anything, until it was to late. _

_What's done is done and I hope that we can remain friends through this. I say this in all honesty and truth, you are my one and only best friend. I know that sounds sappy and maybe a little stupid, but I believe it to be true. You have pulled me out of a spiral of depression, hatred, sorrow and pain. And through all of it you have remained the same. You have been true to yourself, and right now, that's what I need to do._

_Nick, you are a wonderful and caring person with a big heart. You are not afraid to show your compassion and love for people. As you well know, the job that we do takes it's toll. We are faced with death and darkness everyday. And somehow, you always come back the next day with a bright smile and open arms. You are one in a million. And I'm so, so very sorry that I'm hurting you this way. _

_I love you. I always have and always will. I love you so much, that I know I have to let you go. I know you'll want to fix this. You'll think that there is something you can do to get me back. But please, don't try too. I'm gone Nick. You can't make this feel right. We have to move on, we have to get past this, and in order for that to happen I need get away. I know that running is not the answer, but it is the best one I can think of right now. _

_Please forgive me, Nick. One thing I have learned through this ordeal is that people make mistakes. Mistakes we cannot take back or undo. We are human. We've screwed up before and we will again. But it's life. full of pain and happiness. It's a life we must live. _

_Sincerely yours,_

_Sara'_

"She's gone." Nick said.

Catherine didn't seem surprised. Nick figured she already knew from the letter Sara had given her. "Here's yours." She said, giving Grissom his.

_'Gil,_

_I'm not sure what to say, so I will say this. When you asked me why I said you might have perfect timing, well, you do. I don't love Nick. I love him like a brother, not anything more. Just before he proposed, I'd decided to tell him that it wasn't right anymore. But before I got the chance to say anything, to stop him, you showed up in the door way. _

_I'm not sure if I love you. I have too many emotions swirling in my heart right now to tell one from another. So please give me time. I promise I won't leave forever. _

_Now I understand what made you run. The fear of facing your emotions. It can be overwhelming. So I'm counting on you to understand what I'm going through. My reasoning behind it all. _

_Sara'_

Grissom looked at the letter in his hands. He read it over again. She was gone? He did understand why, but still. He'd come all the way here, and now she was gone.

"What are you still doing here, Griss?" Nick said smiling. "Go after her."

_Please review!_


	26. Chapter 25

_Hey, so I know this chapter is really short, but it's sweet! lol Anyway, been super busy but was able to get some writing in so yay! Not sure when I'll have the next UD but hopefully it'll be soon. And as much as I hate to say it, the end is near :( But I'm a girl you likes to drag the story out as long as it can go so all you GSR fans get ready for some good ol' fluff! haha Anyway only got 5 reviews on the last chapter *sadness* so please be sure to R&R and let me know what you think! Thanks!  
_

_Enjoy _

Chapter 25 - "I'm Never Going To Let You Go" I Never Told You by Colbie Caillat

Grissom looked at Nick in disbelief. "You're sure, Nick?"

Nick looked down at the letter in his hands. "Yeah. I am. Sara said we both knew from the start this would end badly. And I did. I just didn't want to believe it...She loves you, Griss. She _really_ loves you."

"I swear to you, Nick, I'll never do anything to hurt her again."

"I know you won't, cause I'll be there watching." He said, grinning.

"Are you two gonna kiss and make up, or are we going to go stop Sara from getting on a plane?" Catherine said.

"How do you know you she's flying?" Nick asked.

"I don't. But if I were her, I'd want the fastest way to get the hell out of town and that's definitely not by car." She said as she moved towards the door.

Nick stood and put the letter in his pocket. "Come on, Griss. You don't want her to get on the plane do you?"

Grissom just sat there for a moment. "Am I doing the right thing, Nick? I cheated on her, I left, I come back and ruin everything all over again, and then I go after her. This isn't like the movies. We don't always get the endings we want...How can I even ask her to love a person like me?"

"First, you're doing the right thing. Don't doubt that. Yeah, you did cheat on her. You screwed up a bunch of stuff. She gets that, you do, hell we all get that. But she loves you, Grissom. She may not be ready to love you right away, but give her a chance. And Griss?"

He looked up, waiting for Nick to continue.

"You loves bugs more than most people. Sara dated you because she likes you for who you are...You don't have to ask her to love you; she already does."

* * *

Sara sat in her car outside the airport, contemplating on whether or not she should go in. She kept wondering if she was doing the right thing or not. Leaving just felt wrong but she couldn't stay there and face both Nick and Grissom. Not to mention the rest of the team and the lab, because by now all of them had surely heard the news.

Now she knew how Grissom felt when he had left. It wasn't the same situation, but somehow she understood why he left. The fear of having to face reality. A reality you had nothing to do with.

Sara knew no matter how far away she ran, she couldn't run from this. She closed her eyes, letting the tears escape. "Why?" The word fell from her lips as a whisper.

Opening her eyes, she saw a black SUV. Suddenly the tears stopped coming. She watched in surprise as Grissom got out, followed by Nick and Catherine. She slowly got out of her car, her legs unsteady beneath her.

"Sara."

She swallowed hard as stopped a few feet in front of her. "You're not a dream are you?"

Grissom smiled at her. "No. I'm not."

Sara smiled back at him. "You came after me."

"I wasn't about to let the woman I love fly off to who knows where."

The two of them stood there in silence for a moment; just looking at each other.

"I know I may be asking this to soon and if you could find it in your heart to forgive me if it is, but Sara...will you have me back? Be-before you answer that just listen to me, please?"

Sara didn't say anything, so Grissom continued. "When I left, I had a lot of time to think. I kept trying to come up with a rational explanation for what I did, but there isn't one. There's no logical reason for it.

But I know it was wrong. And if I could turn back time, I would. I-I know, you've heard this before, and they're just words and it's not going to change anything. I get that. And I'm just glad that you're even talking to me. Asking you to forgive me is probably stupid and naive, but I'm asking you, Sara.

And I'll give you all the time in world. Don't give me an answer now, just think about it and do what's right for you. I love you, Sara. And if you find that you don't love me, and that you love Nick, then be with him. Then be happy.

I only what what's best for you."

Sara just watched him; her eyes brimming with tears again.

"I miss your blue eyes. I miss the way we could speak a thousand words with one look. Every time I close my eyes, I see your face looking back at me. I miss everything about you, Gil.

And I can't believe that I still love you. I spent hours lying awake at night wondering what kind of horrible person I must be because I'm in love with a man that cheated on me."

Grissom physically flinched at her words.

"But..." Sara continued softly. "I should have told you this a long time ago. I don't care about what you've done. I mean, I do, but it's in the past. You did it, we fought, it's over. After all the things we've been through, we're still standing. We're standing together.

I don't need any more time, Gil. When you left, that was time enough for me to figure things out. The only reason I was going to leave is because there was some stupid part of me that just wanted to see if you would come after me. And you did.

I forgive you. Even though every other part of my body is screaming at me not to, my heart is telling me to love you. And I do. I love you, Gil. No matter what you've done.

I do want your heart, Gil. And even though I may have never told you, you've held mine for a long, long time."

Grissom took a step closer to Sara, so that they were face to face. "I love you, Sara Sidle."

"I love you too." She whispered against his lips.

He leaned down to kiss her. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm never gonna let you go." She said, and then, he kissed her.

_Please review! Thanks! :)_


	27. Help!

Hey, so my week has been insanely crazy and I've had absolutely no time to write! Ugh! I'm gone at camp next week too. So I thought of an idea! I'm slightly stuck with what to write for the next chapter, so I want YOUR ideas! Anything you want to see happen between Griss and Sara, anything you want them to say, a funny scene, a romantic kiss, whatever. Although, I will draw the line at smut…Sorry! So yeah, just review and let me know what you want and I'll try and update as soon as I can! Thanks!


	28. Chapter 26

_Hey everyone...So I'm really sorry it's taken me forever update..I feel horrible about that (*_*) I had no motivation at all..It sucked. Trust me. But alas a new chapter is here. Not sure how many more there will be but I'm hopeing (really, really hopeing) that the next ud will be a lot faster. Again I'm very sorry. But it's hard to write a love story when your life kinda sucks =/ Anyhoo I hope there a still a few of you out there who are still into this story, so please review and let me know what you think._

_EvidenceOfMe_

Chapter 26 "How Can You Still Love Me?" My Love by Sia

As they kissed the world around them faded. It was just the two of them, standing in the midst of nothing.

When they pulled away, Sara kept her eyes closed, for just a moment forgetting everything that had happened. It was just the two of them. Nothing else mattered. But as she opened her eyes, it was like reality hit her.

He cheated on her. They fought. He left. She dated Nick and almost got engaged to Nick. And now here they were, standing in the parking lot of an airport. Her only question was what was going to happen next?

* * *

They sat across from each other in a small cafe. They'd been sitting there in silence; both hoping the other would make the first move.

"It's not going to be that easy is it?" Grissom asked softly.

She shook her head. "No, Gil. It's not."

"What ever you need, I'll give it to you. If you need time, I'll keep my distance. And if you need me to leave again I will-"

"No. I-I don't want you to go again." Sara said, her voice shaking a little. "I can't go through that again."

"Then I won't, Sara."

"But...I do need some time. Yes, I forgive you and I_ do_ love you. I just can't forget what you did."

"I'll wait. For however long. When you're ready, I'll be there...I promise."

"Grissom, I...I don't know who I am anymore. I've always hated men who have cheated. I've hated them with a passion. And yet here I am, kissing one of them. Loving one of them. That's just _not _me.

And I think I need to sort figure out the 'new me'." Sara said, looking at Grissom.

"Sara, I want this-I want us, to work. I made a mistake, I'm sure you're tired of hearing that, but it's true. I can't say it enough, but I love you, Sara. Only you. Without you in my life, I have nothing.

I know you need time to figure things out, I'm fine with that. But I want you to know, I'm here for you no matter what. If you want to scream at me then go for it. If you want me to hold you while you cry, my arms are open.

I'm not screwing things up again. I'm here to stay, as long as you still want me."

"Then come home with me."

Grissom looked at her, surprised. "But you said you needed some space?"

"Maybe I'm wrong...Maybe all I need is you."

"Sara, are you sure?"

"I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't." She said smiling.

"Sara..."

She looked into his eyes. "We only live once. And I am so damn scared that I've already wasted to much time. Time that could have been spent with you...Gil when I'm with you, I can't think straight. Sometimes this feeling comes over me and I can't breathe.

There are so many people that can't find true love. They spend countless days searching for 'the one'. And here we are. The other half of my soul is sitting right across from me. People would kill for a love like this. But like you said, this isn't going to be easy. And yet, it should be."

Grissom watched her with pain in his eyes. He was the one who caused this. He was the one that was still causing her pain. "Sara, if I'd-"

"Why did you do it?"

Her question surprised him. "What?"

"Why did you sleep with her?"

Grissom looked at the coffee mug in his hands; by now it was surely gone cold. "I've asked myself that question a thousand times. I still don't have an answer."

"Was...Was it because of me?" Sara asked softly.

"No, Sara. Don't you ever think that. I love you, you know that."

"I don't, Gil. Honestly I don't. Not after what you did. Sure, you can say three little words. But do you really mean them? You slept with another woman. If you weren't happy you just had to tell me."

"Sara, being around you makes me the happiest person alive-"

"Then _why_?"

The anger in her voice was not something he was expecting.

"Because, for a moment, I lost my sanity. I lost my ability to think straight. She'd just lost her brother and I didn't know how to comfort her-"

"So the best thing you could think of was to jump into bed with her?"

Grissom's jaw clenched in anger. But it wasn't towards Sara, he was furious with himself. She was right. She was so unbelievably right.

"Look, Gil. You know I forgive you. I'm honestly not sure how I can but...I just need answers. I need you to help my understand why this happened. Otherwise, I'm not sure we can move past this."

The anger that had filled her voice moments ago was gone. He looked up and her eyes were soft and loving. How could he ever deserve her?

"I know you need answers, and I swear I would do everything in my power to give you them. But you have to understand this isn't easy for me. I hate myself so much for what I've done to you."

"I never said it was easy for you. It's not easy for me either. But we can work through this."

"How can you still love me?"

Sara couldn't help but smile. "Because...Something inside me is telling me this if for a reason. That it's made me stronger. That maybe, somewhere down the line, this...experience, will help me get through something bigger."

"You deserve so much more, Sara. Much more then I can ever give you." Grissom said. "You're such a better person then I could ever be. You're so ready and willing to love and to forgive. You have such a big heart, Sara."

For a moment she didn't say anything. She just looked at him. "Maybe I don't need answers anymore."

Grissom looked at her and laughed. "You're sure? Because first you asked me to come home with you, then were angry at me and wanting answers, asking if I really meant it when I say 'I love you' and now you're saying to what? Forget all that?"

She smiled back at him. "Yeah...Well, sort of. I do still need answers, maybe just not right now. You're not completely off the hook...But I'm mostly saying 'you better shut up and kiss me before I have to kick your ass'."

"Oh..." Grissom said, nodding. "So all that was code for 'I love you'?"

"See? Now you're catching on."

_I know it's been forever, but please please review! Thanks_


	29. Chapter 27

_So I know it has been forever and a day since I've updated and I feel horrible for it. So please forgive me. Keeping up with school is taking up a lot of my time now. I'm hopeing to get at least 3 more chapters for this story and then wrap it up. I hope you will stick with me til then. Thank you for you patience._

EvidenceOfMe

_Reviews are welcome! This chapter was written in about an hour and I was totally shooting from the hip so it's not my best but I thought you deserved a chapter!_

Chapter 27 "Tell Me Why" Love Lost by Temper Trap

Grissom sat in his office, deep in thought. The past two weeks had been a whirl wind of emotions. He was still trying to process everything that had happened.

He and Sara were "officially" back together; both as a couple and once again living together. Although things where not back to the way there were, he wasn't complaining.

A knock at the door made him lift his head, "Come in."

Catherine closed the door behind her and sat down in the chair facing his desk. "So, how are things?"

Grissom raised an eyebrow. "You mean with Sara and I?"

"No. I mean with you and your pet tarantula. What else, Gil?" She said, giving him an exasperated look.

"They're slowly getting better. We are still adjusting."

"Well, that's understandable. Considering the hell you put her through."

He grimaced. "I know I deserved that… I put her though something worse than hell."

"Have the two of you sat down and talked anymore?" Catherine asked.

"We have. But I feel like…." Grissom cut off, not knowing how to continue. "She keeps asking me why. I feel like if I don't give her an answer soon, then, she'll leave me."

"Then why not just answer it."

"Catherine, it's not that simple."

"Maybe it is." She said. "Maybe you just need to tell her why."

"I've tried to think of words to express what I did, but nothing works, nothing gives a real reason." Grissom said, letting out a tired sigh.

The two sat in a comfortable silence for a moment. Both lost in thought.

"Tell me why you did it, Gil."

"Catherine, I told you. I don't have-"

"Yes you do!" Catherine said, her voice rising slightly. "You better have a damn good reason. Why do you think Sara still wants an answer? Because you still haven't given her one. She needs closure, Gil. She needs to know why you practically ruined a perfect thing."

"Don't remind me."

"You know what, Griss, you need to suck it up and be man. Don't give me this crap that you can't tell her why you did it. And you know what, I will remind you every day of how you screwed up your life almost beyond repair. I will tell you that every day until I die, because you are one lucky S.O.B. You have a second chance at love, Gil. You have another chance to fall in love with a woman who is crazily in love with you. Sara is so head over heels in love with you that she would overlook the fact that you cheated on her and slept with another woman. Cause you know, I sure as hell wouldn't be so forgiving if I were in her shoes. You would have gotten your ass kicked out the door. But Sara, she's something different. You owe it to her tell her why. Even if you think she won't like your answer, if it's the truth, then she'll still love you in the end."

"When did you become a psychiatrist?" Grissom said, a small grin creeping onto his face.

"When you started being such an asshole."

"Sara?"

She turned around and found Grissom standing in the doorway to the locker room. "Hey, I'll be out in five minutes. I figured we could grab a bite to eat and then head home?"

"Sounds good…But can we talk first?"

"What's wrong?" Sara asked, concern flooding her voice.

"No, no. Nothing bad. Sorry. I uh I just wanted to talk with you about some things."

"That doesn't make me any less concerned, Gil."

He smiled at her. "Sorry."

"Alright, I'll meet you in your office in a minute then?"

"Sure."

"Hey…" Sara said as she stepped into his office.

He didn't say anything, but smiled back at her.

"So uh what's up?"

"I've been…stupid. As you very well know."

"Well, yeah. So why are we talking about this here when we could be on our way home by now?" Sara asked, slightly annoyed that he was being so passive.

"Because, you don't deserve to have to wait any longer." He said, looking her in the eye.

Sara, surprised by his answer, didn't say anything.

"You've asked me countless times why I did it and I've never given you a straight forward, truthful answer. I always said what I thought you wanted to hear. But you saw right through my mask, you knew it wasn't true the moment if fell from my lips. After what I put you through, you don't deserve that. You don't deserve anything of what I put you through. The very least I can do is tell you why I slept with her."

"Gil, you really don't have to do this here. We can-"

"No, Sara. I'm not making you wait any longer. "

"Really. I can wait the whole fifteen minutes it takes to get home."

"Because, I'm afraid that if I wait that long I will lose my nerve. So please, just let me do this."

Sara looked at him. She saw the determination in his eyes. "Okay."

"I slept with her because I needed to know, in some perverse way, if you really were the one for me. I needed to, for once in my life, not be the good guy who follows the rules. I needed to be daring and outrageous. In other words I needed to be stupid. And I regret every choice I made. But in order for me to realize how perfect you are for me, I needed to take a step back, to pull myself away from you. I know that doesn't make sense, honestly I don't even understand it myself. But Sara, before that night, I uh…" Grissom looked away from her for a moment, unable to meet her gaze.

"Gil?" Her voice was soft and tender.

He turned to face her. He stood up and stepped around his desk, kneeling down in front of her, he took her hand. "Sara, I screwed up. I screwed up so badly. It's my biggest fear that we won't be able to overcome this. You're too perfect for me. I don't deserve you. But Sara, before that night I had…I had been planning on proposing to you. And then everything happened. I didn't know what to do. I still loved you. I finally realized what was right in front of me, I realized how wonderful you are. But I was too late. I'd ruined the only good thing in my life."

"I-I don't know what to say." Sara whispered, tears welling up in her eyes.

Grissom looked at the floor, still holding onto her hand. "I don't know what else to say. But I do hope that what I've said will help you heal. I know there will always be a scar from what I did to you and I'm not expecting it to just fade away, but maybe this has helped."

"Does your offer still stand?" She asked quietly.

He raised his head to look at her. "What?"

A smile spread across her face. "Does the offer still stand?"

"You're serious?"

"I am." Sara said, grinning at him with a look of pure happiness.

"Sara, of course it does."

"Then you better ask me."

"You mean here? Right now?"

"I've waited a long time for this, so yeah. Here and now is as good as anything."

Grissom couldn't help but laugh a little. "Well then, let's do this the right way. Would you please stand?"

Sara laughed as Grissom kneeled down on one knee in front of her, the tears of joy now spilling over her cheeks.

"Sara Sidle, I love you more than anything in the world. You are my rock, you are my soul, you are my missing half. Over everything, you are my life. I've made wrong choices and you've been there, through thick and thin. I couldn't think of spending the rest of my life with anyone but you. And so, Sara Sidle, will you marry me?"

"Yes."

Grissom rose to his feet.

"Took you long enough." Sara said laughing.

Grissom smiled. "I know, but that just makes it all the more worthwhile." He said, and kissing her passionately.


	30. Alternate Chapter 27

So hey I know it has been forever and ever since I updated and I have no other excuse beside life! I tried multiple times to update this story but just could not get into the "romance" mood. But, finally! Today I was! This is the last chapter, just because I don't want to leave you all waiting for like another 3 months or whatever. I hope you like it! Please let me know what you think. And again, really sorry! =( I feel really bad about it! =(

Okay so wow! I was just about to post this when I saw I already had a chapter 27! I totally do not remember writing that! Ha! Wow! Jeez and I just glanced over it and there are so many similarities, but I swear I do not remember it! Ah! I'm loosing my mind! :( Sooooo! I guess just forget the last chapter 27? Idk what to do! I just spent like 3 hours writing this! Uh consider this an alternate "official" ending? Sound good? I'm really sorry but I'm not sure what else to do! I really hate to drag this story out any longer! Lemme know if you want another chapter though. I should (hopefully) be able to whip one up soon. I do start school again on monday so ya may have to wait a lil while if you do want another chapter. Up to you. Just leave a review and we shall go from there. ((still can't belive I didn't remember my other chapter 27! gosh!))

Enjoy!

Chapter 27 "This Was Reality" You've Got the Love by Florence + The Machine

_Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air_

_I know I can count on you_

_Sometimes I feel like saying "Lord I just don't care"_

_But you've got the love I need to see me through_

_When food is gone you are my daily meal_

_When friends are gone I know my savior's love is real_

_You know it's real_

_You got the love_

**Grissom's POV**

I sat at my desk, lost in thought over the events of the night before. So much had happened, so much had changed

And yet, here I was again, unconditionally and madly in love with a woman who, against all odds, loves me back. In all honesty, I never thought it would end like this. Once things started doing downhill, I thought, for sure I was destined to die alone.

To die a man who had lost his chance at love; lost his chance at happiness. But I have had the privilege to be granted a second chance. It is a chance that not many men in my shoes have the chance to use; a second chance to live and love to the fullest.

In my heart I know I don't deserve her. She deserves so much more than I can give her. But, call me greedy and selfish, I will not tell her that. If she will have me, I will welcome her with open arms.

A knock at the door brings me out of my thoughts and back to reality. Before I can say 'Come in' the door swings open softly.

I fear I am dreaming. That this is some alternate reality, that it's not real. She stands in the door way and smiles at me. The smile that captured my heart from the very beginning; the smile that melted my very being into nothingness.

Neither of us said a word. We just stood there watching each other. It had been so long that I've just looked at her. It was like looking at an old picture, remembering things that you had long forgotten.

But this was real. This was reality.

_Time after time I think "Oh Lord what's the use?"_

_Time after time I think it's just no good _

_Sooner or later in life, the things you love you lose_

_But you got the love I need to see me through_

_You got the love_

**Sara's POV**

I silently took a step forward and closed the door softly behind me. I turned to look at him and a smile spread across my lips.

"Come here."

My words were soft, just above a whisper. He rose to his feet, setting his glasses on the desk. I waited until he was right in front of me, our lips almost touching, before I spoke again.

"I love you."

His eyes sparkled in the dim light of his office. The corners of his mouth lifted until his smile mirrored mine.

He slowly leaned forward and captured my lips in a passionate kiss. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the sensation.

His actions spoke louder than any words ever could. This was his reply, his way of saying 'I love you too.' As we broke apart I slowly opened my eyes to meet his. Those deep blue pools that held so much love; love I knew that was meant for me.

"I have something for you." He said as he took my hand in his. "Close your eyes."

I smiled and did as he said. He kissed my cheek and I could tell he was grinning. He took my other hand and led farther into his office.

"Stay there." He whispered as he released my hands.

Seconds passed by until his soft voice broke the silence. "Open them."

I felt the breath leave my body as I focused on the sight before me. He was down on one knee before me, a tiny black box in his hand.

My vision blurred as tears filled my eyes. This couldn't be real. This couldn't be happening. But as he took my hand again, I knew it had to be.

This was real. This was reality.

_Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough_

_And things go wrong no matter what I do_

_Now and then it seems that life is just too much_

_But you've got the love I need to see me through_

_You got the love_

**Grissom's POV**

I looked up at her and her eyes locked with mine. I was silent for a moment; thinking of the right words to say.

"I know I messed up. We both know that. And we both know there is no going back, there's nothing I can say to make up for it or change it. I did what I did and I wholeheartedly regret it.

You know I have an odd love for rollercoasters, but I must admit I did not like the emotional rollercoaster we just went on. And I hate myself knowing that I caused it. That I caused you pain and sorrow.

But we ended up right here and I believe we are stronger for what we've gone through. Our love is stronger than it ever was before.

I don't want to think about the past, but I know it will always be there. And over the next years, or the rest of our lives, there will be reminders of what I've done. But I want to move forward with you by my side.

I want to walk into the future with our hands intertwined. I want move on, and remember the past but not dwell on it. Let it make us have greater understanding and more willingness to forgive.

And whatever life throws at us next, I want to be by your side. I want to hold you if you cry, and laugh when you laugh. I want to spend every moment with you. I want to create new memories, happy ones that will be etched into our minds forever.

I wouldn't dream of spending my life with anyone else but you. And I won't ask for your forgiveness again, I won't ask you to accept my apology. When you're ready you will. And I'll wait for however long that might be.

But I promise you I will never give up on us. What we have is one in a million and I was a complete idiot for letting it go. And I never will again. I'm going to hold onto you with both hands."

I stopped for a moment and slowly opened the tiny ring box. "This was my great grandmothers and I would dream of giving it to anyone else but you.

Sara Sidle, I promise to love and cherish you for the rest of my days. I promise to never stray from your side. I promise to never let you go. I promise to care for you every waking moment of my life.

We have already gone through so much together; I would like to spend the rest of my life as yours and no one else's.

Sara, will you marry me?"

_Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air_

_I know I can count on you_

_Sometimes I feel like saying "Lord I just don't care"_

_But you've got the love I need to see me through_

**Sara's POV**

I felt my heart literally stop beating. My breath caught in my lungs and I felt a thousand butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

After everything that happened, I didn't think a simple "Yes" would cover things.

"Gil, there is only one man in the world that I could ever forgive for doing what you did, and he is kneeling in front of me now, holding a ring.

I don't want you to make those promises that you said to me. I want to make promises together. I-I don't have some great speech like you just did. I don't have a family heirloom to give to you.

All I have is me, and I hope that is enough."

"That's more than enough." He whispered to me.

"Then yes! God, yes!"

Suddenly it was like I was alive again. My heart beat faster than it ever has; air filled my lungs to the fullest and blood pumped in my veins.

A smile spread across his lips as he slipped the ring on my finger.

"Now kiss me." I said, my face inches from his.

"My pleasure…Mrs. Grissom."

_You got the love I need to see me through_

**The End**

Please review! Thanks! =D


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